November 25, 2013

IconA lesbian’s worst nightmare: The “Lezbro”

I came out as a massive lesbian a little over a year ago. Until that fateful day, I had lived as a “straight” girl.  I often think about how wonderful my life could have been if I had only discovered my lady loving status sooner: a fabulous female first kiss, U-hauling with my first girlfriend.  Okay, I’m kidding…well kind of.

As a fresh gay-by there are many things I’m adjusting to—the awkward birth control conversation with my gynecologist, how to come out repeatedly, and what it means to have a fellow gay girl as a friend.  Most of these are harmless rites of passage that make for a funny dinner story with friends.

But there’s one lesbian expectation that leaves me completely speechless.  I just can’t bring myself to talk about “nice tits.”

I began to notice a pattern when straight men discovered I was gay; they begin talking about sex with women and female anatomy in graphic detailed ways.

I tried giving these men the benefit of the doubt.  After all, maybe they meant well and had never talked to a lesbian before!  But after one particularly disturbing conversation that involved pictures of a former model with “a massive bubble butt and perfect tits,” I faced the truth; I might be gay but that doesn’t mean I’m a pig.

AfterEllen.com recntly ran an article about the “lezbro” phenomenon.  A “lezbro” is a man who is best friends with a lesbian. Cute, huh? But after reading that some self-proclaimed “lezbro” relationships are based on a mutual “frat boy” mentally about women, all thoughts of endearment quickly vanished.

The article continues and further explains how some lesbians benefit from a “lezbro” relationship:

 “For the lesbian, hanging out with a lezbro may provide more freedom to engage in unfiltered commentary about other women, which can sometimes be a no-no among groups of lesbians. Let’s face it: Sometimes you want to relax and unleash your inner frat boy, and you don’t want to be pilloried for being un-PC or coming across as unenlightened.”

Women receive enough discrimination, objectificationand commodification without fellow women jumping on the sexist bandwagon. If you need a “special friend” to unleash your inner douche bag, then chances are that you not only need a course on Friendship 101, but Feminism for Dummies as well.

As for me, I’ll stick to friendships that are based on more exciting things then who has the nicest rack.

2 Responses to A lesbian’s worst nightmare: The “Lezbro”

  1. amelia says:

    here here, I totally have found this before and it makes me really uncomfortable, ‘Lezbros’ don’t seem to realise that when they are objectifying women with you, they are talking to one too, and this woman sure as hell doesn;t want to be defined by a ‘bubble butt’ !

  2. DuaneBidoux says:

    As a straight guy who has had a couple of lesbian friends (best? who knows) I can tell you what I have absolutely adored about it. I love the company of women and what I liked with my two friends is that from the beginning there were NO sexual tensions or underpinnings. In neither one of the cases did these friends do some of the things the author talks about (lucky for me I guess). Perhaps this is the only way a man and woman can be best friends, but obviously boundaries have to be respected.

Taylor Milam

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