Greek lesbians are revolting
May 2nd, 2008
A group of lesbians in Greece are trying to sue a group of lesbians in Greece to stop them from calling themselves lesbians. In Greece. Or anywhere, actually. Confused? There’s a simple explanation…
Y’see, the first group of lesbians are a group of Concerned Citizens (pitchfork-wielding hatemob) from the island of Lesbos in Greece. So yes they’re lesbians, but they’re not, y’know, lesbians.
These Lesbos-lezzas are very upset at the other meaning of the word, and they’ve gone to court to try to stop a gay rights group from using it.
The lesbian in charge of this farce of a court case is a man called Dimitris Lambrou. According to the BBC, he believes that the international use of the word “violates the human rights of the islanders, and disgraces them around the world.”
(Presumably there are no gay women on Lesbos then, despite homosexuality occurring in approximately 6% of any population.)
This action could, of course, inspire other nations to follow suit. We confidently predict that the next move will be made by Virgin Islanders, declaring war against the abstinence-preaching George Bush.
But why are the L-word-lovers of the world called lesbians in the first place? Oh that’s right, because of Sappho, the ancient Lesbos poet who famously wrote beautiful poetry about lesbians (in both senses of the word.)
Of course the homophobic lesbian Mr Dimitris Lambrou has something to say about Sappho too. “There is ‘new historical research’ about Sappho”, he whines oxymoronically. Apparently this shocking new old research outs Sappho as having a family and killing herself over the love of a man.
Well as luck would have it, we happen to have Sappho working as an agony aunt for Lesbilicous. And surprise surprise, she has something to say about this little issue.
“I knew that stupid boatman that fancied me would tell everyone I fell in the sea for him,” says Sappho, rolling her eyes. “Honestly, men. What really happened, yeah, was that I’d had a few too many at the CandyTavern and I fell arse over tit off the cliff. Sooo embarassing. Glad I died of massive internal injuries, otherwise I would’ve died of embarassment.
“And yeah, I had a family, what about it? Had a lovely daughter called Cleis. I’ve still got family actually - my great, great, great, great… well there are loads of greats, but basically my grandkids are around on Lesbos now, and they don’t like Dimitris Lambrou disrespecting their great-nan. He’s disgraced my name around the world. Dimitris needs to get a grip and start loving the lesbians, or I might put in a word with my kin and who knows, he might find himself getting a bit gaybashed…”
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