‘A friend in need is a friend indeed’… something that was drummed into me as a kid.

So when a friend came to me recently in search of help with an important job application, I was there trying to make sense of a formidable application form. (Anyone else also currently job hunting no doubt understands). I hate filling in forms with a passion, yet that seemed like no trouble at all compared to the call of another friend recently.

My lovely friend, wanted to ‘talk’. And so cups of tea in hand, we began and she explained how she thought I knew ‘a lot about this kind of stuff’. My immediate, standard, internal response was ‘I know nothing’ (yes with that Manuel voice). It wasn’t until we were quite far into our conversation, edging around the issue, that it dawned on me; the poor girl was coming out!

These things aren’t often easy and I was really flattered that she would think of me as a friendly face at a time like this. But could I really be of use? I didn’t get the nickname of ‘the world’s crappest lesbian’ for nothing.

My track record with girlfriends being far from long, let alone smooth, generally runs along the lines of: spectacularly dumped me; emigrated to the other side of the world; got married; remained straight after all….etc. etc.

Plus, as bad as it sounds, being bisexual seems to mean that alot of people see me as just a straight girl that had a temporarily disproportionate response to the lyrical ‘genius’ of Katie Perry. Trust me I make that last comment in jest.

So as much as I was there to listen, make tea and give comforting hugs, I felt like I could hardly give advice on any of ‘this stuff’. I’m barely ‘out’ myself!

I suppose all I could really suggest was a trip to my favourite gay run cafe that sells amazing carrot cake. It seems that my friend’s voyage into the world of lesbianism will at least be tasty and fattening to start with. And I’ll happily be joining her …once I’ve successfully filled out a few more of those horrible job application forms myself….

Katie Dunseath

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