Custody battles: forget the cats - who keeps the sex toys?

Displeased kitty June 30th, 2008 by Rosie

Break ups are never easy to do, and they’re even worse when there’s a bitter custody battle to fight. But not kids, or even cats, we’re talking sex toys.

Sex toys hold a lot of memories, and they’re damn expensive. So what do you do with your investments after you break up? Tess Owen has 10 tips to help you through this tricky lesbian etiquette issue…

  1. If one person spent the cash then it’s easy – they keep the stuff
  2. If one person bought it for the other, then the receiver of the gift keeps the stuff, as you’d keep other gifts
  3. If you went 50/50 then you you’re going to have to talk about who gets what. This feels like the most ridiculous conversation ever after a break up unless you are precious and skint (in which case you won’t let shame stop you from fighting for what is rightfully yours!)
  4. If you are too ashamed to raise it as an issue, then the stuff will probably remain in a box under a bed somewhere gathering dust. Ownership will fall to bed owner by default.
  5. Lesbians with a moral conscience (and dishwasher) may altruistically donate their stuff to less fortunate lesbians. This is not wrong, just weird.
  6. Some ladies may have invested independently. Their stuff, as far as they are concerned, is a temporary extension to themselves. They will use it with whomever they want, whenever they want. Rock on.
  7. Some ladies will move on, bring a new girl home and face the dilemma of ‘it’s under the bed… should I? Is that wrong? How will anyone ever know!?‘ Whether or not you dare do this will depend on how much you are gagging for it at the moment, your income level, your attitude to recycling and ultimately your access to antibacterial wipes and condoms (I would hope!)
  8. Some lesbians will absolutely not be able to disconnect the stuff from their ex. I have never tried to burn silicone – does anyone know what would happen?
  9. The dippier of us will misplace the gear and spend a couple of years panicking about where it is. Younger siblings and/or mothers will find it when helping you move house, and you will spend another couple of years recovering from the embarrassment.
  10. And finally… the more creative amongst us will make sculptures.

What have you done with sex toys after a break up? Do you recycle, wash, forget, burn or sculpt? Share your stories with the Lesbilicious community…


  • well ive seen my girls ex and i know where her toys had been so the first thing we did was ditch the dirty dykes dildos and by some new ones ladies i know in general we are very hygeinic but i know for a fact some girls are damn right dirty. So dont take the risk yes sex toys are expensive but its not worth possibly catching something embarrassing lol and girls it is possible!

    Jadakiss ∼ September 19th, 2008 2:43 pm
  • was promised by my ex that if we broke up she’d chuck ours away…last i heard it was still going strong on…whoever…if only i’d brought it back to the uk with me!!!!!

    cheeky ∼ November 19th, 2009 1:33 am

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