Lesbian hair: the secrets untangled
August 4th, 2008
Do you really need lesbian hair to be a lesbian? Faith Bosworth investigates…
As much as I love Cher, she was wrong about one thing: it might not be in his kiss, but it’s most definitely in her hair. You may think you’ve got the most finely tuned gaydar out there, but you can’t deny that your little antenna starts wagging and beeping all the more excitedly when the lady you’ve spied has a short hairdo…
If you were faced with a line-up of women (with their fingernails safely out of sight) and asked to decipher who was gay, I’m almost certain you’d pick the ladies sporting the buzz-cuts, the spikes, the messed up “I’m feeling so Shane today” follicles. (And you’d undoubtedly be thrown by the one with a ponytail.)
For many, hair is a major sign of identity. Perhaps that’s why it often features as a big part of coming out of the closet - your hair says who you are before you have to.
I lobbed off my hair about three months before I ever even considered being gay but it certainly got me on the right track. In no time I suddenly had every lesbian in town wondering who this new girl on the scene was. So superficial hey? Apparently my luscious mane had never appealed. Fair enough, it made me look like a geeky surfer boy.
It’s important to make clear what I mean by lesbian hair. It’s not just short hair. No, it’s short hair which says “I am SO gay right now”. It has spikes, it has streaks of colour, it has a side sweep fringe, or it’s seconds away from baldness. Sometimes it can be a heady blend of all these elements at once. It is a sign to the world that your sexuality is questionable. A prime example of this is when Jenny in the L-Word gets her hair cut just so that she can look more gay.
Straight people quite obviously don’t need to communicate their sexual orientation in this way. But gays need to let other gays know that they’re in the same camp. Having a short style definitely makes scoring easier, and saves you from washing that “I Love Girls” shirt every day. Nothing says “I want to move in with you and have your kittens” quite like a pristine fauxhawk – that transient beauty which is a mowhawk by night and just a regular rough ‘n tumble style in the morning.
But it’s obviously more than that as well. When you make that first trip to the hairdresser as a self-identified lesbian, there is a great feeling of freedom in the knowledge that you don’t have to try and make yourself appealing to men any more. It’s a statement of pride and an outright refusal to be conventionally gendered.
Even now, when I think I’ll give it a try and let my hair grow out again, I begin to feel trapped by these ridiculous ideas of femininity which I can never emulate properly. With short hair, I can walk the androgynous line with ease. And let’s not kid around, it’s all kinds of practical and well, hot. Obviously.
Long hair = invisible?
Ok, ok I’m hearing the angry protests of the lesbians with long hair: “What are we, invisible?” Well I guess that is often the case. Maybe I only got the censored version but I never saw a dyke climbing up Rapunzel’s ponytail. Although, wouldn’t that have been great bedtime send-off?
Long-haired lesbians are usually assumed straight until proven otherwise. It may seem like the easy route to take, but often these women have to deal with a lot more than you might expect. They face animosity across the board from people who fail to accept them because they don’t fit the stereotype.
Even worse is that they’re often labelled sell-outs to heterosexual ideas of of female beauty by the lesbian community itself. This is a little strange because most short-haired lesbians I know don’t have a problem with shaved legs and armpits, which are also traditional signs of mainstream femininity.
And since we are all about non-conformity, the long haired are forming a vigilante group of their own, protesting against lesbian established norms. So keep fighting that fight and with Portia at your helm, there’s nothing to worry about. Just don’t allow her to convince Ellen to grow her hair. Our world would literally crumble.
What can I say, ladies? It’s a melting pot out here so we better all start getting along. It’s obvious that regardless of its length and style, your hair is saying something about you. So how about sharing those straightening irons?
In the mood to change your style? Check out Lesbiatopia’s amusing although rather offensive breakdown of the lesbian looks and Dorothy Snarker’s rating of the gayness of celeb styles.
Great article. I have long hair and constantly get questioned… ‘are you actually gay?’ etc. But I don’t mind, we’re all learning. I have to say, I think short hair raises the same issues as fashion sense and style… the difference that wearing what you want and having your hair the way you want can make to confidence is just amazing (and I am referring to the ladies who transcend gender stereotypes). Imagine these style conscious, short-haired, androgynous dykes you talk of wearing femme clothes and with longer hair. They would look wrong somehow… uncomfortable… in fact, I come across this all the time in people who haven’t quite ‘found themselves’ yet. Rock on short hair for all of your liberating qualities and yes, ultimately, making it easier to narrow down who might fancy a snog.
G ∼ August 5th, 2008 8:48 amLoved reading your article! You raise very valid points for consideration. I only recently realised how much of an impact my hairstyle has had on the way I get on with people every day (strangers and colleagues). I have a short fauxhawk, and I can definitely see that certain doors are closed where they used to be open when i had longer hair; but at the same time, many other new avenues have opened up to me, and I am more comfortable in my own skin this way.
Cathie ∼ August 5th, 2008 11:15 amNicely written…Long Live Androgeny!
Jeanine ∼ August 5th, 2008 11:19 amFantastic article!!! I think we should hear more from this “faith” person. Class act!!!!!! x
(will there be a follow up?)
Valentine Healy ∼ August 5th, 2008 11:37 amsaves you from washing that “I Love Girls” shirt every day
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Bec ∼ August 5th, 2008 12:18 pmGreat article, Faith!
Kyle ∼ August 5th, 2008 1:03 pmLoving it!!!! xxx
Fresh ∼ August 5th, 2008 1:05 pmit all makes sense now - i shaved my head for the cancer shave=athon earlier in the year and I have never been so popular with the ladies as I am now - imagine that!
carls ∼ August 5th, 2008 4:45 pmCarly I reckon that IS why you shaved your hair in the first place lol!
Faith ∼ August 5th, 2008 8:45 pmThis is a super article. What a journalistic talent! I’m straight but feel quite at home in homosexual culture, blurred gender lines and all. When I cut my hair, the mow hawk spurred questions from all sides - from friends! But the liberation and excitement of testing gender lines/strands/locks from this little aesthetic experiment were undeniable and led me to the fun of playing with identity. Rock on Faith: “It’s a melting pot out here so we better all start getting along”. Viva!
Fletch ∼ August 5th, 2008 9:53 pmlove your work.
Denden ∼ August 6th, 2008 10:28 ampersonally i find it kindof frustrating that none of us seem to be able to break out of the habit of defining ourselves by the way we look… i guess that being a person is as much body as it is mind and soul. that means that we represent who we are in visual, physical ways. still, i wish it weren’t so very skin deep…
I agree with Denden - I recently cultivated a beard (I’m not a lesbian obviously), and now I get people asking if I’m a bear, which I don’t think I am. On the other hand however, visual signifiers are an important part of identity construction, and as such cannot be ignored…
Anyway - good article Faith - keep up the great work
Chris ∼ August 6th, 2008 6:57 pmWe all agree with you Denden! It’s a shame isn’t it? Look how people immediately assumed you were gay when you started wearing black frame glasses?
Faith ∼ August 7th, 2008 7:35 amThat’s true Faith. And my decision to keep my growing my hair long was in some ways a move to abate that confusion.
Denden ∼ August 7th, 2008 8:48 amChris I’m sorry to hear people are giving you grief for your beard! But sometimes I think it’s really great to sport a whole new look and see how it affects people’s perception of you - and that it shouldn’t!
Sometimes I won’t become friends with a person or make an effort to to talk to them based on the way they look. Do you think that’s really wrong, Denden??
Anonymous ∼ August 7th, 2008 1:35 pmAbsolutely true. Rather be comfortable in your own skin (hair) than comfortable in the “socially accepted norms”
Good writing!
Sarah ∼ August 8th, 2008 2:06 pmLove it.
Claire ∼ August 8th, 2008 2:07 pmOk, I just got my hair cut into a bob… What does this say about me?!
Suddenly worrying that in a world divided by fauxhawks on one side and ponytails on the other, I’ll never get laid again!
Justine ∼ August 8th, 2008 11:32 pmHey, I giggled to myself while reading because here was an article about something everyone thought about but never talked about. I think our community needs to loosen up and be able to laugh at themselves and the stereotypes we find ourselves in. These stereotpes are forced on us but at the same time many of us perpetuate them - regardless of stereotype its about identity and feeling happy in your skin. Good work Faith - you gon girl :)
Brynley ∼ August 9th, 2008 3:44 amJustine, is your bob asymmetrical? Then you’ll fine.
lostfish ∼ August 9th, 2008 12:58 pmi have long blonde hair and i’m a lesbian was sick of people giving me the ‘is she a lesbian look’ so got a t shirt saying ‘yes i have long hair, yes i’m a lesbian!!’
clare ∼ August 9th, 2008 3:53 pmI have long hair and am very feminine. People are usually shocked when they find out I am lesbian. And their response is usually “are you sure?”. Of course I am sure! Lesbians are allowed to look like women (isn’t that kind of the point, women loving women?). But I must say, that I find girls with short hair very sexy.
Alexa ∼ August 12th, 2008 3:32 pmBut Alexa surely you don’t mean that you have to have long hair to look like a woman?
lostfish ∼ August 12th, 2008 4:18 pmHey, why is Lesbiatopia’s hair article offensive??
Renee ∼ August 12th, 2008 8:27 pmGreat article faith! I once had my hair cut by a local shop I had never tried before, I think I mentioned my girlfriend and well the aldreayd nevervous haridresser must ahve seent his as an oppurtunity to take free reign on my head. Needless to say she bascially cut it so short she could have shaved it to save time. I was really upset about the whole thing. i mean I ahve short heair but this was beyond. Dealing with it was big for me as I was unemployed at the time and constantly attending interviews. In retrospect I am glad it happened as I was forced to tackle my own fears of being ‘too gay’ and confronting potentiol employers who may or may not ahve seen me as such. I would never willing do it again BUT the experience was a growing one.
shakeyermoneymaka ∼ August 12th, 2008 10:13 pmRenee I found your description of butches really offensive. That all women who sport a buzz cut are man-haters is a blatant and hurtful stereotype. The suggestion that these women should be avoided and by implication would (or should?) never be reading this article seems to suggest that they should be all together ousted from a lesbian identity? It’s just not very inclusive.
Faith ∼ August 12th, 2008 10:50 pmWhoah! Ok, I have medium length hair, which used to be short and whether I have it long or short, People still don’t get that I’m a lesbian. I don’t really want to buy a t-shirt to announce it. Am I the only dyke who this rule doesn’t apply to?
Dark_angel ∼ August 14th, 2008 2:31 pmoops, also pointing out that I don’t want to shave my head, lol.
Dark_angel ∼ August 14th, 2008 2:32 pmSnap Dark_angel! In recent years i’ve let my hair grow past my shoulders and i’m constantly asked if this is a sign that i’ve grown out of lesbianism too..annoying to say the least!
rach ∼ August 14th, 2008 2:56 pm“Grown out of lesbianism” ha ha people are so crazy sometimes!! Dark angel and rach people like you are important though, because you really make people think about their perceptions. When they realise that you really are gay, they have to start rethinking those ridiculous stereotypes which make them so comfortable! So keep your hair the way it is!
Faith ∼ August 14th, 2008 6:32 pmI agree with Faith with regards to the Lesbiatopia article. Although obviously attempting humour the article plays on dangerous stereotypes, not even ridiculing them but seemingly reinforcing them. Not only is the buzz cut= man haters problematic (and not in the least bit funny) as the women you joke about have often formed the vanguard within a number of movements not least the feminist and LGBTi. You would do well to show them respect rather than outright mockery. What I found most ridiculous was your opening paragraph. “They may, at first glance, appear to be male, but alas! they are indeed women.” Alas? Why alas? I’m personally quite pleased they are women. Secondly you come across as having one or two man hating issues yourself. Your suggestion that they are women because they have a kind heart behind their masculine exterior suggests that this is what separates them from men who in converse must not have kind hearts, what do their hearts have to do with anything really? Let me not even get into they are good at ‘fixing things like your car’. Come off it just because they portray some sort of masculinity which you think can be watered down to some sort of ridiculous essentialism whereby masculinity = able to fix things. Frankly I find your article closed minded and in bad taste.
shakeyermoneymaka ∼ August 14th, 2008 9:13 pmthanks faith…but because we ourselves are so fickle in defining fellow lesbians via image, it is often hypocritical to expect everyone else to also
rach ∼ August 15th, 2008 10:08 amRach, when I referred to “people”, I mean everyone so that includes lesbians!
Faith ∼ August 15th, 2008 12:36 pmI know faith, i was purely expanding on the idea that lesbians tend to also stereotype, not just each other but also on the perceptions and ideas of our fellow straight friends
rach ∼ August 15th, 2008 12:44 pmOf course they do. Being lesbian doesn’t make you exempt from natural human weaknesses, obviously. Although that would be great!
Faith ∼ August 15th, 2008 12:48 pmwouldn’t it just…but then if things were so perfect what would we all have to talk about
rach ∼ August 15th, 2008 1:19 pmIn my defense, this was written with overwhelming amount of sarcasm. I am, in fact, very much a feminist and was playing around with the over generalization of stereotypes in this article. Obviously I don’t think that just because you are a masculine woman you can fix a car, and vice versa. The article was written with the idea that the readers would pick up on my overly sarcastic sense of humor and desire to play a bit of the devil’s advocate on my own sexual orientation.
If you want to read it into way more than you, that’s fine, but that is certainly not how it was meant to come across. Why would I purposefully attack anyone in my own community? That’s just silly!
If you go back and read all the descriptions, you’ll see I poke fun at butches, andro, femme, etc. The whole point is that it meant to be read with air of fun and most readers know that not every article written is meant to be taken so seriously.
Renee ∼ August 15th, 2008 7:23 pmThanks for clearing that up Renee. My issue is that your article pokes fun in some places and not in others, I am willing to say “hey perhaps that’s just my reading”. I get that you were being humorous I just don’t think there was any humour in some of your suggestions. My bad. You know as well as I that internalised homophobia is not something foreign to our community and so it wouldn’t be farfetched to think that perhaps your article portrayed a little of your own. Apologies. Oh I don’t take all articles that seriously just ones that catch my fancy from day to day.
shakeyermoneymaka ∼ August 15th, 2008 8:28 pmWhen I first came out 9 years ago, I had long hair yet cut it all off into short spikes - mainly thanks to the nasty ‘get lost did ya, go back to straight-ville’ comments I’d get off other lesbians. Now I’m more secure with who I am and older and wiser, I look more feminine than ever. I don’t care what other lesbians think of me now but back then, those comments really hurt. I understand why people choose such symbols to define themselves as gay but that doesn’t work for everyone. Some people just need to accept that.
Lea ∼ August 17th, 2008 12:49 amoh Faithy, had to re-read this for inspiration as i’m in the middle of a hair crisis!
DirtySanch ∼ August 18th, 2008 4:25 pmChopped my hair really really short nearly 2 months ago and it was awesome, but shoo it’s hard work… so much work that you almost have to take it out to dinner and woo it to get it to do what you want! And then when it grows it reaches that awkward ‘not-yet-a-bob-but-borderline-mullet ‘ stage… *sigh* to chop or not chop that is the question
I’m interested to know what everyone thinks of the change in Kim Stolz, the past contestant for America’s Next Top Model. She used to have short hair and tended to dress pretty androgynously and in this way, she was seen as a bit of a lesbian icon. Obviously because she IS gay too. Now she is working as an MTV VJ and she has long blonde locks. Check out this page on afterellen to see the comparison http://www.afterellen.com/people/2008/8/lesbianchic?page=0%2C3. She seems to have received a lot of criticism from the lesbian community for being a “sell-out” etc and I guess the implication is that she cultivated a more femme look to ensure the success of her career. What do you think, is it wrong to look “less gay” because you want to get somewhere in an industry which relies on a majority of hetero viewers and the aesthetic standard which goes along with that? And now for the real question, which look suits her more? I am a big fan of her short hair. In my opinion, it was just hotter.
FB ∼ August 20th, 2008 10:00 amI want my hair cut short but i’m too scared! I am not feminine in the slightest and i am pretty sure it is only because of my longish hair that people don’t know i’m gay. If i were to have it cut, eveyone who doesn’t know already will realise i’m gay…i know that shouldn’t worry me but it does. GOD hair stresses me out so much!
alex ∼ August 22nd, 2008 6:48 pmHey Alex,
Katie ∼ August 22nd, 2008 9:33 pmI finally admitted to myself I was gay and got my past shoulder length hair cut right off, people still don’t realise that I’m gay. I love my hair and I love that its short! I have about 7 different hairstyles even though its proper short and I’ve recently got it highlighted :D You do what u want to do and be happy xxxxxxxx
I had really long, thick hair, unmanageable for many years, as I was ultra religious. When I finally came out and lopped it all off, I felt like I’d been set free - from hours under the dryer, if nothing else!
My hair is now a sort of crazy rebellion of a style that is definitely not hetero. Of course, rumours that it’s more about laziness than sexuality are completely untrue. Although, to be honest, I am trying to make ‘bed hair’ the new lesbian chic!
Anastasia Hayward ∼ August 27th, 2008 12:04 amWe should be having a competition here to see who has the most lesbian hair - if only we could upload photos! With what I read about your hardcore gel, Anastacia I’m betting it might be you. I’m lazy too so I kind of oscillate between gay and geek from day to day.
Faith ∼ August 28th, 2008 8:09 amOddly enough, since I’ve cut my waist-length hair (not for style reasons, I donated it to a cancer charity), I’m getting hit on by men far more often (despite having a badge on my jacket that says “I Love Girls”!)… which just makes me crazy, because they keep doing it even after I’ve told them I’m not interested.
It’s weird, though - I was referred to as butch a lot more often when I had long hair than I am now. I’m told it makes me look younger..
Tria ∼ September 2nd, 2008 4:44 pmi really dont like those,so called butch women(and this text really describes them)…im lesbian my self,i have short hair(but with style) and dress like a woman is supposed to.
swedish_girl ∼ September 12th, 2008 3:07 amSwedish girl, I find your comment really troubling. Why do you think that there is a certain way a woman is supposed to dress? They’re just clothes, nothing about our bodies say they should be in dresses and skirts (if that’s what you’re implying by women wear).
Faith ∼ September 12th, 2008 10:14 pmI have to agree with Faith. Why do you think there is a certain way a woman is supposed to dress? People should wear what they feel comfortable in!
Angel ∼ September 14th, 2008 12:17 amI have long hair, and I like it. Quite frankly I have the kind of face that would look silly with short hair. That and I really don’t like short hair on either myself or others. I like feminine women. Nice article ^^
Amy ∼ January 1st, 2009 10:47 pmfeeling a little disheartened by that article. as a long haired lady i am wondering if there is any hope. i hadnt realised lesbians took interest in nothing but hair length when working that gaydar?!
kat ∼ January 6th, 2009 10:03 pmI had shoulder-length curly blond hair when I came out. No one believed me. I cut it to about 2 inches–and attracted a male stalker. (j/k) Now it’s bob-length, where I feel most comfortable. People look at me and see a chubby down-home girl who digs country music and loves to praise the lord. Shit. I’m BI. I’m transgender. I fear Evangelicals and despise any music with a twang. Go figure.
Leah ∼ January 7th, 2009 5:51 amSo true. Everyone at work sees me as a quiet little conformist. Never wanting to differ from the norm. But a few months ago, I walked into work with bright red hair and everyone flipped. People who used to talk to me openly started ignoring me completely and others even told me they hated it. Like I cared what they thought. But after two weeks of people still going on about it and managers hinting that I should probably change it, I gave in. I dyed it brown and was so pissed about it too. Several months later, things are back to “normal,” though there are some after shocks. A few people who had stopped talking to me are still avoiding me. Whatever. If they’re gonna get bent out of shape over hair color, I’m better off not talking to them anyway. Great article!
Jess ∼ January 25th, 2009 8:32 pmI have long hair only because I dont think my face would suit a short haircut, but I’ve always dreamed of it. Either way, whenever someone looks at me, even with long hair, they can still tell I’m gay. So the hairstyle makes it easier to identify someone from our team, but it’s not the only criteria.
Loved the Rapunzel joke … I’m still laughing. If they had made that incensured version maybe I would have had better good night stories … LOL
Pink ∼ September 12th, 2009 8:00 pmFew things are more sexy to me than thick, straight,long hair. It is sooooo soft, and warm under it. I have long hair and so does my partner. We are both lesbian, look straight (as the society wishes to classify us) and work in normal jobs. Interestingly, most of the lesbian women pay no attention to either of us. Good thing we each think well of each other.
susan J ∼ March 3rd, 2010 12:09 am