Why do lesbians love gay man porn?
October 1st, 2008
Warning: this article contains pictures which - while artfully censored with cupcakes - may not be suitable for viewing at work.
There’s a guilty secret in the lesbian community.
Tell your friends or lovers and you’ll risk being ridiculed, disbelieved and shunned. But sometimes, just sometimes, you’ll get the same confession back, a whispered admission of the lust that dare not speak its name.
So no more secrets, no more shame. It’s time to face the issue of why lesbians love gay man porn.
Not everyone loves pornography, of course. For some people it’s embarrassing, disgusting, offensive or just plain boring. But for everyone else, there’s every possible kind of sex you can imagine. Indeed, according to Rule 34 of the internet: ‘if you can imagine it, there is porn of it’. And yet, in this sticky mess of humping, grinding, throbbing and quivering, many lesbians seem to purposefully ignore lesbian porn and go straight for the man-on-man action instead. What’s going on?
Bad lesbian porn
The first problem in watching lesbian porn is that the vast majority of it is painfully straight, and not at all meant for lesbians. It’s not so much the hair extensions, fake breasts or bored expressions that give it away; more like the long, scraping fingernails. Oh wait, one more clue – the ubiquitous dude who’s enthusiastically welcomed in to give the girls what they’ve been missing.
Watching your sexual identity being simultaneously misrepresented and belittled is not sexy. Neither is spending a too-large proportion of your life having to explain to straight men that yes you’re a lesbian, but contrary to porn expectations, this doesn’t give them a right to watch.
There is genuine lesbian porn made for queer women by queer women, but it’s hard to come by (in the practical sense at least).
Unless you know about queer/feminist sex-positive shops and you’re organised, wealthy and self-aware enough to buy your own, chances are your porn watching will be limited to awful videos belonging to friends, lovers or ex-lovers, late-night TV, or – most likely – whatever free stuff you can find on the internet. And for easily-accessible instant gratification, you can’t go wrong with gay man porn.
‘You can’t fake a hard on’
Of course there’s more reasons to watch gay man porn than sheer laziness. For a start, there’s the visceral impact on knowing that what you see is very much what someone’s about to get. Or, as Caz from Manchester explains, “It’s real – you can’t fake a hard on.”
Caz adds, “Guys really do get off on being in porn films, whereas mostly girls look unconvincing which makes it all a bit sad. And that’s not a turn on.” Porn films aren’t generally noted for their high quality acting skills, so anything that adds to the realism – such as a big boner – can help make up for distractingly awful dialogue, music or plot.
Writers at lesbian website Grace the Spot agree: “With gay male porn, the actors look like they’re having fun and enjoying sex. With all other types of porn, more often than not, it looks contrived, over-acted, unbelievable, ridiculous, or just plain unfun.”
Lack of women is liberating?
But lesbians, by definition, are sexually interested in women and not men. Even lesbians with bisexual leanings might be expected to prefer straight sex than watching muscley men thrusting together. So why do some of us find it hot to watch sex that doesn’t involve any women?
It may at first seem counter-intuitive, but the very fact that there are no women in gay man porn can remove a huge burden for some people. “The fact of female oppression through porn is a massive turn off and it’s hard to be convinced that girls in films are really enjoying themselves,” says Caz. “I find anything sexually aggressive towards women horrible.”
It’s not accurate to say that all pornography which involves women degrades them, but a huge proportion does involve situations or activities that can make for uncomfortable viewing. It doesn’t even have to involve actual sexual violence – even an offhand ‘slut’ or ‘bitch’ can bring in unwanted misogyny that ruins the mood, and there’s always a nagging worry that what’s happening on-screen could be linked to off-screen exploitation.
For some people this is reason enough to reject all pornography, whether it involves women or men. But not all porn is necessarily bad, believes Holly Combe, writer for the F-word and member of Feminists Against Censorship. “Objectification only becomes bad if it is complete and absolute rather than mutable and interchangeable,” she says.
Forbidden pleasures
Assuming we can safely discount penis envy as outdated Freudian twaddle, the answer to why lesbians enjoy gay man porn could partly lie in how we use pornography as a way to play around with genders and sexualities outside of our usual experience. Watching gay man sex on a screen or a magazine is a peek into a forbidden world that we’re usually excluded from. It’s taboo and exciting, but at the same time totally fake and entirely safe.
Even if you’ve never used a strap-on, had sex with a man or wanted to be a man, the human brain is such a marvellous thing that we can still identify with what’s going on, and get off on it. As Holly explains quite simply, “looking at attractive naked people getting it on is arousing.”
‘Women are sexual beings’
Whether you’re into lesbian porn, gay man porn or no porn at all, no one should be made to feel ashamed of their sexual desires. “Women are sexual beings,” say the Grace the Spot writers. “Women should not feel guilty watching porn. If some women are afraid to watch porn because of what others may think, then they are succumbing to yet another means of controlling women’s behaviour.”
Sexuality can be surprising, fluid and lead to some sticky situations. Don’t worry about whether or not liking gay man porn makes you a bad lesbian. Just lie back – or bend over – and enjoy it.
Related stories:
Gay brain research: Lesbilicious talks to the experts
Why do lesbians hate bisexuals?
Grace the Spot - Stuff Lesbians Like 45: Gay Porn
Ok, I’m just going to put it out there - I have never found gay male porn evem slightly appealing!
…those cupcakes look good though
have to agree with you there Faith.. cupcakes.. lovely.. manbits… less so!
I’ve never been turned on by the hardcore stuff, but I definitely nurtured some fantasies about romping around the mountains with the Brokeback boys. Both of them. At once.
ok..here goes….i admit it…i like to watch guys doing it. this has always been one of my little secrets. i always felt weird that it turned me on…..but i couldnt wait to have sex with my girlfriend afterward.
Actual gay porn… not for me at all. But I do absolutely adore “Queer as Folk USA”, and prefer the male couples to the female ones (I suppose I just can’t relate to the ‘lesbian’ couple at all, as they’re not very convincing and look totally hetero to me). For me though, sex isn’t very interesting unless it’s part of a romance story. And I like happy endings!
Yep, this article hit the nail on the head. Everything I’ve ever said about why we love gay porn is in here. We knew we couldn’t be the only ones!
Me and my girlfriend even swap gay porn with the guys next door, and give recommendations.
I make the real lesbian porn that the article says is “hard to come by” and I actually tend to prefer watching the scenes that I’m in.
I guess it’s easy to picture myself in the scene - ’cause I actually am in the scene.
My mission:
Make sure lesbians know about this type of porn that does exist.
And…
To inspire others to make more of it so that we can have a variety of real dyke porn available.
What can I do to spread…the word about good porn for dykes?
Bren Ryder
http://www.GoodDykePorn.com
Sorry, but there really is an awful lot of tripe written about porn. And this is a fine example of tripe you’ve written right here:
“The first problem in watching lesbian porn is that the vast majority of it is painfully straight, and not at all meant for lesbians. It’s not so much the hair extensions, fake breasts or bored expressions that give it away; more like the long, scraping fingernails. Oh wait, one more clue – the ubiquitous dude who’s enthusiastically welcomed in to give the girls what they’ve been missing.”
Why?
Well, the kind of porn you’re describing here where two women are having sex and a guy turns up and joins in the fun - that isn’t lesbian porn. It isn’t even “lesbian porn for men”. Not in any shape or form. It’s just straightforward, honest to god straight porn. Girl-on-Girl action is a ubiquitous component of most straight porn because most men are turned on by it - and most female porn stars are bisexual enough to oblige the boys with a lezzy show. Those women in scenes like that aren’t meant to be lesbians. They’re just meant to be regular women. And in pornoland all women are bisexual didnt you know? - unless they’re lesbians that is. There’s no such thing as straight porn where you are guaranteed to see no girl-on-girl activity whatsoever - not eeven straight porn for women. “Straight girls” who won’t have sex with girls simply aren’t really a viable porn niche. There’s no significant market for them.
There is a small minority of female porn stars who refuse to do any girl-girl stuff but in most cases where they have their own website they will include some bonus content with other women doing girl-girl on their sites - or cross sell with other sites that have that content.
“Lesbian” porn that is “all girl” - i.e. no men in at all - has been available in vast quantities for decades. The reason for this is, believe it or not, there are plenty of lesbophile men who don’t like to see any cock in their porn. Some of these guys don’t even like to see a strapon.
Of course if you’re a dyke who isn’t into femme-femme then you’ll find most of this stuff difficult to relate to, especially if you’re one of those dykes who still clings on stereotypical notions of what queer women should look like. Gay man porn will quite likely suit you better.
There is a real shortage of butch and bois type dykey looking women in porn. One of the owners of one of the top queer women owned lesbian porn websites based in the USA told me recently that they have real problems finding butches to work with them. It’s much easier to find femmes - especially bi-femmes who tend to like other bi-femmes.
And guess what? A lot of those hot guys in gay man porn aren’t gay. They’re bi - and quite often the straight side of bi, or “gay for pay” as many of them like to put it. Quite a lot of them are married to women that they have kids with. Men generally get paid a lot more for performing in gay porn than they do for doing straight porn Being “bi-flexible” is real asset if you want to pursue a career in porn - whether you’re female or male. And if you’re a hot transsexual (chick with a dick) you can make an absolute fortune.
Hey Bren!
How’s it going?
I’m the Geri from RLPN who does my best to promote GoodDykePorn dot com and other lesbian4lesbian porn websites and erotica for queer women. And thanks for linking back to us btw!
I was feeling fairly pissed-off when I wrote my previous comment I’ll admit - although I basically stand by everything I said in it.
Pissed off why? Well by this “hard to come by” business. Because if you google “dyke porn” Bren’s site is number one. If you google “real lesbian porn” my website is number one. And if you google just “lesbian porn” my site is generally to be found in the top 12. It keeps moving up and down. It’s been as high as number 6. We were number one on yahoo last time I checked.
So, sorry but “hard to come by” - just not true anymore. All you have to do is look.
I’ve got nothing whatsoever against any women enjoying gay man porn btw. But if you’re a lesbian who says you buy gay male porn because you can’t find any real lesbian porn then I do have an issue with that, because I strongly suspect that you’re just not looking for it.
to geri and bren… thats great that you do real lesbian porn, but not everyone looks at porn on the net and so if you’re not online and in a shop or whatever its still hard to come by. just sayin! :-)
Good point Fuegofuego. When it comes to shopping in shops availability depends totally on where you live. The wonderful thing about the Net is that availability depends much, much less on where you live.
I can only cater to those who have Internet access. However I’d like to point out that as long as you are able/willing to purchase online I do cater for people who have a slow connection &/or prefer to buy dvds, vhs etc. You can also buy books, magazines, sex toys, calendars, posters, fine prints, novelty items - all sorts of fun and interesting lezzy and other sexy stuff - including gay man porn :) - via the links on my website. I also have a quite a lot of free picture, video, and story content + lots of links to dating and community services for lesbians and bisexual women.
I don’t know precisely why “On Our Backs” - the original porn magazine for lesbians - stopped publishing a few years ago. But I’m sure one of the main reasons must have been down to economics. I don’t know if it is economically feasible at all to produce such a publication on paper any more. I think it would be a brave company that tried it. Even porn magazines for men are considering, or actually starting , to give up on the print run and just publish online. Playgirl - for straight women and queer men has gone over to online publication only already.
Geri you sound like you find porn very liberating?
Geri,
You are an amazing porn ambassador!
love,
Bren
All I have to say about this article is “What?”
I’m not interested in watching gay men have sex, nor have I ever been. It’s fine if that’s your thing, but why write an article implying that most lesbian are drooling over men having sex?
For one thing, good queer porn has been around since On Our Backs was published. Yes, it’s harder to come by (but not come to, little pun there), but it’s still out there. Failing that, at least bad, male-made, male-targeted lesbian and heterosexual porn has women in it. How could I get off to something with no females in it at all? I know sexuality is a nuanced and complicated thing, but… I’m a lesbian. I find women erotic. No women? Not erotic.
“Geri you sound like you find porn very liberating?”
Strange as it may sound Faith I’ve personally found that porn broadens the mind. It also took me on a journey which helped me greatly in coming to terms with my own bisexuality.
“Geri,
You are an amazing porn ambassador!
love,
Bren”
Thank you so much for those kind words Bren!
It was a great thrill when I discovered your web site and really quite satisfying to know that I had already managed to make a modest space on the Internet where I could immediately start to promote it to some reasonable effect.
I’m still by no means satisfied with the number of joins I get for you though. I will, and must do better.
“All I have to say about this article is “What?” ”
I think the point is Gold that queer women are a sexually and emotionally very diverse group of people.
You mention On Our Backs here and Cyber Dyke Net in a comment on Kia’s porn round up article. You must surely be aware that by no means all the women involved in CyDy and OOB are exclusively homosexual?
I feel that the queer women who get off on “gay man” porn, including the ones who actually seriously identify as lesbian, are bisexual on some level, whether they care to admit it or not. Feeling that does not mean I think that women in this group are all people who could be happy sharing their life with any partner who is a biological male - even a very rare and/or feminine one. I would say that would be the case for some and not for others.
It was on one of CyDy’s web sites that I first saw Buck Angel - the world’s most famous transman porn star. I’d be surprised if you yourself fancied him at all. But Zille does. Then, she is openly bisexual, and so is Buck (like many trans people).
Thanks for responding, Geri.
I never implied that Cyber-Dyke was exclusively homosexual, nor would it be ’superior’ if it were. I approved of your list and thought I would add a few more items to it that contain good porn, that’s all.
I find nothing wrong with what you’re saying at all, but I do get tired of being told my sexuality is ‘fluid’ and of the delight people seem to take in talking about how females are secretly lusting over men no matter how gay they are.
Of course there is room for queerness of all stripes, but one of those stripes is the one reserved for exclusive, Kinsey 6 homosexuals, even female ones. I feel the need to remind the world at large that we exist, as well.
I hope you understand that when you write an article like this, to people like me it seems that you’re implying every lesbian, everywhere, is interested in masturbating to men: “It’s time to face the issue of why lesbians love gay man porn.” I am not saying that lesbians who masturbate to men are ‘wrong,’ I am saying that not all of them do.
It feels strange to be asking this on a lesbian blog, but please give my sexuality some consideration as well.
I love gay man porn! I think it’s mostly because it’s exciting– I can never partake in the real thing. It’s just something to admire from afar.
I’m pansexual, though, and not *technically* a lesbian. But that really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, because I do like women, a lot, and I am not a man.
Also, FREE real lesbian porn is extremely hard to come by.
You can always tell a fake lesbian porno if:
1: tongues are out in the open wiggling around like some insane fish
2: The “hair flip” is present: where all lesbian action stops as soon as someone’s hair gets in the way, and five seconds are needed to fix it. (not an attack on femme-itude. Just an observation.)
3: There is a lot of high-pitched, breathy moaning when nothing exciting is happening…
Etc. Etc. I’ve been to the lesbian4lesbian sites mentioned here, but they all cost money. Does anyone know of any free sites out there?
Hi Kathy Dana
Re: “I’ve been to the lesbian4lesbian sites mentioned here, but they all cost money. Does anyone know of any free sites out there?”
My site, which has been mentioned here, has quite a lot of free samples on it. It’s easy to find. Just google “Real Lesbian Porn”.
The free samples are just that of course - samples that are there to promote and make sales for the sites that cost money. And it costs those sites and me money to make this content available for free.
Quick Reality Check. If porn-loving queer women want lesbian4lesbian porn to continue to exist, and to grow and develop, then they have to be prepared to support it financially. We can’t just expect the men who appreciate it to make it financially viable to produce.
Gay man porn doesn’t rely on women, queer or straight, to keep it financially viable. It relies on queer men. It always has, and it always will.
If my site is no longer online this time next year there will be just one reason why that is. It certainly won’t be because I just got bored with the whole thing.