October 20, 2011

IconIs dating a friend a good idea?

It has become a cliché at weddings, writes Daniela Baker. A teary-eyed bride saying she married her best friend. It’s a romantic notion that two people are so much in tune with one another that they want to be together forever. Many will scoff and close the door on ever harboring romantic thoughts for a friend, while others will more than entertain it.

In this case, the truth is not that far off. In fact, 63 percent of married couples claim to have met their partner through a common network of friends. To put it simply, couples that started out as friends do work out. There are many advantages to this kind of relationship and these are:

You will have loads of fun. Chances are, you share a lot of things in common. You like doing things together, which is one of the foundations of a strong friendship. The good thing about this is that you will never run out of fun things to do. Boredom will have little chance of invading the relationship.

You were never judged about your alternative lifestyle when you were just friends, you can expect it to stay that way. People are most comfortable when they are with friends. They let their hair down and relax. No pretending, nothing done for show, just the truth. You can split the bill on a date with no awkward feelings as to who gets to use the credit card.

Building on the area of trust, dating a friend means you will never have to hide personal matters. This can lead to a stronger relationship as exposed secrets can erode any foundation. Expenses and debts, including overdrawn credit card limits, are openly discussed. And these matters are addressed without anyone going behind each other’s back. It’s a liberating experience when you can be yourself without fear of being judged.

But it’s not all roses and chocolates. Friends deciding they want to be more need to work to make the relationship last. The common pitfalls that prevent friends from building a lasting relationship are:

New relationships are unstable to say the least. A relationship that’s founded on friendship is surprisingly not spared from this fact. Your new partner may have been fine with you going out with other women before, but may suddenly require exclusivity now that you are dating. She is entitled to it and the both of you should reach an agreement. Not as simple as you once thought, right? Adding “girl” to “friend” complicates things and you should be prepared.

You could potentially lose the friendship. The damage you could create upon breaking up may be too great that you can never be friends again. And you will not just ruin the friendship between the two of you. If you share a circle of friends, you alienate the other members of that circle whenever one or both of you are around.

Taking a good friendship into the next level can be the greatest decision you ever made. But people are afraid of taking the plunge for a reason. Most are afraid of disturbing the peace, so to speak. Many are content with the status quo that they are not willing to take the risk and ruin it all.

But if your feelings are strong for each other, you can’t spend eternity wondering “What if?”

Article by Daniela Baker of CreditDonkey

5 Responses to Is dating a friend a good idea?

  1. Daniel de Culla says:

    Dating a friend is not a good idea. Love is Free, and better saying: How I want You and what I’ll do to You when i want You.

  2. ty says:

    I don’t think friends to lovers ever really work since usually, people who are friendzoned are people who aren’t good enough to bonk… which means there’s no attraction and without real attraction, how can you have a relationship?

  3. Sio says:

    Is dating a friend a good idea? Possibly.
    Is the two of you wearing matching rainbow sweatbands a good idea? Never.

  4. Emelina says:

    I would be extraordinarily hesitant to turn a good friend into a lover/girlfriend/friends with benefits situation. For me there’s a range of types of friendships, so it’s possible that some types of friendships could elevate to friends with benefits, and others are completely out of the question. Usually, when it comes to my best friends, I don’t find them attractive. They’re more like sisters. But there have been occasions where a completely plutonic friendship developed into a deep attraction out of nowhere. I half tried to pursue it once, it didn’t go anywhere and it caused me a lot of turmoil. Another time, I wasn’t out of the closet yet, and she was very straight, that one caused me a lot of anxiety. The third time, if I wanted something to happen, it probably could have, but the attraction kicked me in the ass and completely surprised me and the last bullet point of the article was floating in my head, “You could potentially lose the friendship”.

  5. Magic says:

    From personal experience I would say YES YES YES do it, you’ll never look back!

    My girl and I were best friends and believe me I never saw it coming! She has been out a lot longer than me and I guess at first I was a little worried, but I shouldn’t have been. We are so close and can talk about anything. One huge advantage in my mind is that there were no pretences which people often put up when they first start dating, we’d seen each other at our best and worst so we knew the good, the bad and the ugly and loved and fancied each other despite/because of these things!

    Now we are looking at buying our first house together and couldn’t be happier or more solid. So I would say step up and make that decision, because it could be the best thing you ever do!!