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October 1, 2012

IconJessie J and the Revolving Closet Door

Over the weekend, stories have hit the press about Jessie J and her choice in partner, where many headlines flashed that she was “going back to men”, as if she had decided to give up on a being a vegetarian and decided to eat meat again (I’m sure there’s a pun in there somewhere).  The byline to the whole ‘going back in story’ was Jessie telling the folks over at Radio 1 that she “doesn’t like dating men because of stubble”.  This was worthy of headlines across the nation, for some obscene reason or other.

I am between two minds with this whole (non)issue. On the one hand, it’s rather disturbing the amount of publicity her sex life seems to generate, especially when she’s championing “going back to men”, just as her new book, Nice to Meet You, is hitting shelves nationwide.  Coincidence?  I think not.  On the other hand, who are we to judge?  We’re a special part of society that strongly teaches the rest of the world about acceptance of who we are, regardless of the person we love, so how come it’s OK to be ‘disappointed’ with Jessie J?

Recently, Jessie J told Metro that:

“the bisexual label irritates me. The only thing I want to be defined by is my music and personality.” 

Hold on one tiny minute there Jessie, you’re the one who labelled yourself as bisexual from the start.  Has it never crossed your mind, Ms J, that some of your fans are inspired by your confidence and the way you wore the ‘bisexual’ badge in the public eye?  Although it’s a nice idea to only be judged and defined by your music and personality, that will never be the case as you’re defined by you as a complete package, and not just certain aspects.  We take note of your clothes, diet, and approach to work, social life, and yes, who you love.  When I learnt about Jessie J being in a long term relationship with a girl, and that the song ‘L.O.V.E’ was written about said lady, the meaning completely changed for me.  I respected and admired her bravery that she portrayed through her lyrics, such as “love doesn’t choose a boy or a girl”, which was like a breath of fresh air to have such a strong sentiment about the universality of love in the mainstream.  Jessie was a modern day hero for the LGBT society, but her comments about going back to men doesn’t have to ruin that.

I fully understand that some people might feel let down and disappointed that their favourite pop star who was also in a long term relationship with a girl has now decided to date men again, and stating this as easy as if she’s just flipped a switch.  Coming out in the first place is a battle in itself, and then having to deal with the aftermath can also be rather difficult in some instances, so Jessie’s publicity flippantly parading around that Jessie’s now got men on her radar is a little insensitive.

However, let’s flip this over and think about it from another point of view.  With all the troubles that we face in this world from different groups, shouldn’t we practise what we preach and love and accept Jessie J for who she is?  Surely we’ve got bigger fish to fry than worrying about Jessie J’s next date?  If she wants to date a man, then so be it, no point in crying over it as I believe we should be putting that energy into positive things.  We’re part of an incredible group in society where we are so loving and accepting, but when one member states they’re going to switch teams for a bit we instinctively switch to the defensive.  Come on now ladies, deep down we all know that she’ll be missing out and she’ll be back.  Let’s leave her to it, and let’s hope her publicity will start behaving in a more sensitive way in future.

4 Responses to Jessie J and the Revolving Closet Door

  1. isn’t it best just to be in love and be loved, no matter the recipient?

    • Ffion says:

      Oh HI HUW :) haha! Totally agree my love. Isn’t that a quote from Moulin Rouge “the best thing in life is to love, and be loved in return” or something? Best film ever!

  2. Sammy says:

    Jessie never “labelled herself bisexual from the start” she was simply being honest and true to who she was.. Because if she didn’t what would that say about her. Fans now look up to her honesty and anre now happy to be who they are because she set a good example.

  3. Sasha Rocket says:

    I’m guessing some of the comments in this article were intended to be tongue-in-cheek, but I was still disappointed to see them on a website aimed at bi (as well as lesbian) women. Saying that Jessie J has ‘decided’ to ‘switch teams for a bit’ is pretty belittling of bisexual women’s experiences, especially given that so many people (even in our own community) still seem to genuinely view bisexuality in this manner. The reason we shouldn’t be ‘disappointed’ in Jessie J for dating a man is because is doesn’t in any way change her sexuality or stop her from identifying as bisexual. We shouldn’t be saying ‘she’ll be back’ – she’s still here.

    Sorry if I seem oversensitive, but I’ve encountered these attitudes too often and too genuinely to find them humourous.