“Pleasure doesn’t have to be at the end of a penis” – interview with Sh! womenstore founder Kathryn Hoyle
July 27th, 2009
Attitudes to sex were very different in 1992, writes Milly Shaw. Wayne’s World’s Garth was no Cassanova, but his famous line ‘Ribbed for her pleasure… ewww’ pretty much summed up attitudes of the time.
“When we set up Sh! in 1992 there was nothing like it at all,” explains Kathryn Hoyle, founder of women’s erotic emporium Sh!.
“We went round Soho, and all the sex shops were for men, with men behind every counter. Nobody ever thought that women might be interested in this stuff.
“Mind you it was hardly suprising as the products themselves were awful – everything was bright orange, so called ‘flesh coloured’, and incredibly dick shaped!”
£700 and six months later, Sh! was created: the UK’s first sex shop aimed squarely at women. Not that anyone noticed at first: “There was no market!” laughs Kathryn.
“The first few months it was just our friends supporting us. Then it was just friends and journalists – we were so novel, the press loved and hated us – and then it snowballed from there.”
Throughout Western history sexuality has always been about men, not women. Women have sex to appease men, have babies or earn a living – never, it seems, because they just want to.
“It’s no wonder that Queen Victoria didn’t believe in lesbianism,” points out Kathryn. “If one woman wasn’t sexual without a man, how could two women ever have sex with each other?”
And then in the early 90s there was a massive shift towards public attitudes towards sex. AIDS meant that suddenly sex had to be talked about, and everyone from Madonna to Princess Di seemed to be claiming their sexuality loudly and publicly.
“There’s been a massive mental shift since then,” says Kathryn. “When we started the view was that any woman with a vibrator was either sex-starved or sex-crazed. Now it’s gone the opposite way – it’s almost like you’re not cool if you don’t have one.
“But it’s been a long time coming – one of Cosmopolitan’s first articles in 1999 was about women masturbating, and it was still quite shocking. That sort of thing was only ever discussed in the context of sex with a partner.”
Harnesses, rabbits and wands
Sh! is the only sex shop in the UK – and possibly the only in the world – to have a policy where men are allowed in only as guests of women.
“It’s still as relevant now as it was at the beginning,” explains Kathryn. “Buying sex toys can still be a very vulnerable, private thing for many women. It’s not the sort of thing you can do with the weekly shopping, it should be done in a special place that respects rather than exploits.”
That’s not to say that men aren’t welcome in the shop at all. “Harnesses started off being bough mainly by lesbians – and strap-on sex was fairly specialist even in lesbian communities,” says Kathryn. “But now about 40% of our harnesses are sold to straight couples.
“The evolution of sexuality has been for men too – they have less fear now that they’ll be labelled gay for enjoying their prostate.”
Another popular item is the rabbit vibrator, as made famous by Sex and the City – although Kathryn is quick to point out Sh! were selling them 6 years before the show even came on TV.
Why is the rabbit a bestseller? “It’s a fabulous design,” says Kathryn. “It provides sensations that are literally not available elsewhere.”
So is there anything Sh! won’t or can’t sell? “Loads of stuff!” laughs Kathryn. “British attitude to sex can be very ‘seaside postcard’ and we will have playful things, but nothing naff or ugly. No blow up dolls for instance.
“We don’t do phallic toys either - pleasure doesn’t have to be at the end of a penis! After all, a vibe just has to vibrate. it’s not a substitute for anything.
“As for what we can’t sell… we’ve been frustrated we can’t sell the Hitatchi Magic Wand, which is supposedly the sex toy of the century. And the reason for that is because Hitatchi won’t issue it with a UK plug and voltage.
“In the UK Hitatchi is known for selling washing machines. They seem to think it would be damaging to their business to sell the Magic Wand.
“It shows that the battle of attitudes is being won but there is still a long way to go.”
Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium has a new website available at http://www.sh-womenstore.com/. The shop is located at 57 Hoxton Square London. N1 6HD.
Read Lesbilicious reviews of Sh! sex toys.
Disclosure: Sh! Women’s Store is an advertiser on Lesbilicious.
Use their shop - their products and customer service are great.
K ∼ July 28th, 2009 12:19 pmWell I think that is really sexist that men are not allowed in without women. If it was the other way round there would be an uproar.
Max ∼ October 4th, 2009 5:59 pmthere are plenty of sex shops that do not allow women in - whether that be the rule, or because they exclude women by default because of how they are set up (i.e. gross, sleazy, male oriented).
lacey ∼ October 4th, 2009 9:18 pmGreat! Now here’s what’s still left to sort out:
1) Stop making sex toys look as if they are aimed at toddlers, in primary colours and often in the shape of animals. It’s infantilisation of women’s sexuality, which is the last thing we want, and it’s downright creepy. Thankfully I am seeing more elegantly designed sex toys appearing, and they are much appreciated, but they’re still a small minority of the market and usually madly overpriced.
2) Use safe materials such as silicone, rather than highly suspicious “jelly” toys which are risky in a number of ways. Women should not have to worry about causing irritation (which can lead to dermatitis, cystitis and so on) from their sex toys, or that they can’t be cleaned properly.
3) Get more women in on the design of sex toys designed for women, and try checking that they fit well with real female anatomy, not some man’s idea of what female anatomy should be like.
4) While we’re on the subject of safety, manufacturers should really think more about how a toy may be used. Flared bases are sadly rare, even though many men and women enjoy using toys anally (and it has nothing to do with their sexual orientation!). Couples are often completely oblivious to the risks of sharing toys (a doctor friend of mine said that when she was working in the GUM clinic, a surprising number of lesbians came in who’d been passing infections back and forth with toys), and I can’t remember the last time I saw a sex toy being sold with suggestions about condom use for couples, or articles about this on sex toy store sites.
E ∼ March 1st, 2010 3:41 pm