Lesbilicious - the web’s tastiest lesbian magazine

We’re facing some of the toughest financial times this country has seen in recent years. Everyone is skint and it’s getting more and more difficult to find a sugar-mommy who will take all of your financial troubles away.

To help you make the most of your natural resourcefulness, Georgia Rooney has put together 11 tips on maintaining a champagne-and-caviar level sex life when you’re on a cider-and-chips level budget.

1) Courgettes, bananas, carrots and cucumbers aren’t just good for the diet. Use a condom and if you are feeling particularly adventurous, recycle them to cook with later (but not if you are having guests over, please).

2) For those of you with slightly advanced creative capabilities, vegetables can be customised to meet your own individual needs - you just need a very sharp knife and an open mind.

3) Do you honestly think that mobile phones come with a vibrate facility primarily to give users a discreet alert to any telecommunications? Of course not. Okay, it may not be as powerful as your rampant rabbit, pocket rocket or bullet vibe, but at times like these beggars can’t be choosers.

4) Fancy-schmancy leather cuffs at £50 a pop - no self-respecting vegetarian lesbian would even go there. Get yourself to Woolworths for a pair of plastics kid’s handcuffs. You can get a whole police officer set with a hat and badge for £3.99.

5) They can take away your cash, your house and your possessions, but they can’t take away your imagination. Role play costs nothing and can be a massive turn-on. Who needs porn?

6) Save money by getting your lube and condoms for free from your local LGBT community organisations. In turn, you help bump up their stats, they get more funding, you get more lube - everyone’s a winner, baby!

7) Save on central heating and get more bodies into the bedroom. But please, only do this if it isn’t going to cause you too much relationship drama (apology cards and flowers are expensive).

8) Save on the cost of a blindfold - and on your electricity bill - by just turning the lights out. Kinky.

9) Shower together… once a week.

10) Cut down on phone sex, phone bills and rent costs by moving in with your special lady. Maybe this is the root of that old ‘moving in together on the second date’ stereotype - it’s about pragmatism rather than love at first sight.

11) And finally… Lesbilicious cannot even joke about condoning rentadildo.com. We wouldn’t judge, however, if readers were inspired by this article and initiated sex toy swap shops with groups of close friends.

Posted in: Exclusives, Sex & Relationships |