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One difficult thing about being a serial monogamer is the limited space between relationships to do stupid things. Connected to this is the limited capacity of girlfriends to allow you to do do stupid things whilst in the relationship.

Stupid things like getting a lap dance from a stranger.

I have so far been lucky with my lucky seventh girlfriend - she is older than me, more mature than me, and can predict the future. She seems to know what I am going to do before I do it (even when I don’t know). This enables her to prepare herself and tailor her reaction in advance of me, say, going to a lap dance bar.

So when I visited this bar last weekend, for the first time in my life, she really wasn’t shocked to hear that I got hammered and accepted a lap dance. There wasn’t a hint of jealousy in her voice. Granted, she did start to talk to me as though she was citing passages from a feminist essay. She started saying things like “historically, our community has been involved in this kind of work because we were excluded from other jobs”.

I struggled to feel as guilty for my actions as she maybe wanted me to feel. Mainly because the dancer was my mates best mate, and the whole incident was essentially a set-up to embarrass me. I do realise though, that without this significant bit of information, I could be mistaken for a female chauvinist pig.

On reflection I feel a bit pissed off at history and patriarchy. If it wasn’t for men, I would have been allowed to enjoy and appreciate the dance that was kindly given to me for free. Instead I have been made to feel like what a lot of men must feel like all the time. A dirty pig. But do not worry my feminist sisters, I am well aware that if it wasn’t for men, the dancers wouldn’t have been there in the first place. Or so we think.

Back to monogamy. My conclusion is that this incident was a successful one in my history as a serial monogamer. There were no tears and no arguments. Just a slightly disapproving acceptance of my right to make my own choices. I can’t complain at all. I wonder if I would get the same reaction if I went for coffee with an ex? I might just try that. Watch this space.

The Serial Monogamer

Posted in: Exclusives, Sex & Relationships |