Curious and Curiouser: 5 reasons to give straight girls a break
October 5th, 2009
These days, every straight girl worth her salt has dabbled in a bit of same-sex exploration, writes Kaite Welsh.
Long before Katy Perry kissed a girl and liked it, Cindy Crawford was straddling k d lang on the cover of Vanity Fair. And whilst ‘I Kissed a Girl’ has become the kareoke choice de jour of the lesbian population, mention Perry - or Britney and Madonna locking lips - and you’re met with a collective eye-roll.
Sometimes it seems as though straight girls are the kryptonite for any normally sane lesbian - pretty, but liable to turn you into an angry, quivering wreck. In the interests of bridging the divide between us and our straight-but-not-narrow sisters, here are 5 reasons we should give straight girls a break.
1. Questioning your sexual identity isn’t a crime
I’ll come clean here – I’ve dated the occasional person of the male persuasion. And whilst those relationships didn’t work out for obvious reasons, if those honoured few got together and started bitching about lesbians, I’d feel pretty insulted.
And don’t forget - just because a girl goes back to the ‘other side’ it doesn’t mean that she was just faking it all along. Maybe in a few years she’ll look back on that experience, and realise that it was what she wanted all along. Even now, it’s not always an easy world to come out in - even if it’s just to yourself.
2. Just because she’s a straight girl in a gay bar, it doesn’t mean she’s out to break the heart of every lady-loving-lady in the room
Every girl out on the pull needs a wingwoman or three, and if we go out with our straight BFFs to give them emotional support and tell them if they have lipstick on their teeth, it’s only fair to demand the same in return. (Please note: this tactic can backfire. “I thought this was a women-only night!” my sister once said, when introduced to some of my friends - thus ruining my chance at snagging the hot butch in the tux.)
3. Think of it as free publicity
It happens to all of us, at one point or another. The workmate or new friend we’re out to has a few drinks, and all of a sudden they’re fascinated. Whilst their curiosity may feel prurient, don’t forget – as if you could – that gay women are still grossly underrepresented in the mainstream media, and that you may be the first gay girl they’ve met. A friendly response will make it ten times easier when her sister or cousin or best friend from school comes out to her.
If all else fails, think of it as a chance to dispel a few myths. Like that one about women being easier to have a relationship with than a man – a few horror stories about your last-ex-but-one should have them scurrying back to their menfolk.
4. If you want advice about girls, don’t go to a straight man
For them, women are strange creatures who obey a logic entirely foreign to them. When I am truly bamboozled by the antics of my current squeeze, I ask my straight best friend. Free of any links to lesbian drama, I get an unbiassed view of the method behind the madness.
5. Straight girls are pretty, and unrequited crushes are fun
Sometimes – especially if you’re already in a relationship or aren’t ready to get involved with anyone – you just need to lust from afar. And what can be safer than a girl who isn’t interested?
Of course, it has its upside - my standard chat-up line as a teenager was “I know this is a straight club, but you’re really pretty.” It worked surprisingly often…
My this is close to my heart this week. Cant help feeling like a wee little guinea pig. If you dont have the emotional attachment then go for it! Me on the other hand am too much of a intimacy addict.
Sheepyalien ∼ October 5th, 2009 10:18 amI love number 5, I can totally identify. I am gonna borrow your chat up line by the way. Will let you know if it works for me :)
agentLu ∼ October 5th, 2009 12:12 pmI really hope that Rory and Polystyrene read this article.
“Questioning/Exploring Both Sides of Your Sexuality Isn’t a Crime!”
If all the straight men that lesbians/bisexuals who prefer and end up with women started accusing them of ‘Running Back to the Other Side,’ choosing women because it’s easier blah blah blah, then we as a gender would leap down their throats!
Lesbian relationships and lesbian women in general can be just as bad…if not worse!
And newsflash! At least one lesbian woman thinks it’s okay to tell straight girls that they’re pretty in non-sexuality oriented clubs! We’re not stalking you, treating you like sex objects or invading your ‘Lez Only’ boundaries.
It’s not an easy world to come out in…ESPECIALLY as yourself!
Saying “I’ve got a boyfriend but I think your gorgeous” is NOT ‘Insane!’
Teresa TF ∼ October 5th, 2009 3:28 pmGreat list, and it’s true that sometimes it’s nice to be on the scene with someone you know you won’t end up going home with.
Straight friends have their uses :)
Lola ∼ October 5th, 2009 4:53 pm“Straight girls are pretty”
What ALL of them? And are all lesbians ugly?
polly styrene ∼ October 8th, 2009 9:48 pmIt certainly isn’t a crime to question your sexuality. I agree wholeheartedly. I’m fascinated by the reaction it gets, though: if a woman experiments and realises through this that she is a lesbian, this is an entirely valid conclusion, and the fact that she was experimenting is cast as positive; if she determines that she’s straight, however, she is a superficial, manipulative liar, and therefore all bisexual women are untrustworthy. Lacks logic, like so many of our most dearly held prejudices.
And it is entirely true that a person who experiments can be as entirely honest in their same-sex attraction and emotional relationship(s) as anyone else, regardless of the bodies, gender identities or orientations of the people involved. I was deeply in love with my first partner; the fact that I stopped being so and am deeply in love with my current partner does not invalidate that previous love. We all experience this, and yet somehow, when a person comes to terms with who they are and we don’t like the outcome, we assume they were consciously, cynically using us.
We are an odd bunch of beasts, we humans.
K ∼ October 9th, 2009 12:42 pmYes polly. ALL of them are pretty. Unattractive straight women don’t exist, I guess. Perhaps all it takes to change one’s orientation is a little plastic surgery.
That one sentence from this article may have just been the most asinine thing I’ve read all week.
Lenny ∼ October 20th, 2009 5:17 pmLenny, Polly;
it’s kind of pathetic really. And results in such classic lines as ‘Oh but you don’t look like…’
I was the recipient of that howler last month. Wish I’d said ‘all the really attractive women are Lesbians.” and they are;-)
rory ∼ October 22nd, 2009 3:13 am