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Being dumped is emotionally exhausting, writes Jessica Cotayo, so here are 5 practical steps to make the pain of dealing with a break up disappear as soon as possible.

Here’s hoping they’ll give you some ideas to get over a break up and turn surviving into thriving in the quickest way.

1. Feel your Feelings

Feeling your feelings is an essential part of the healing process.

Some people really struggle with feeling certain feelings; some of us are easier with anger, others with grief.

Explore them all by writing a ‘grief’ letter to your ex. It’s important to know that you’ll never send this letter so you can really explore every aspect of how you feel.

Remember if you’ve loved deeply once then you can do it again. If you take the time to heal, you will come out of the relationship even more able to love than you were when you entered it. It is essential to keep your heart healthy and open.

2. Recognize the signal to move on and learn from the break up

At some point - whether it’s days, weeks, months or even years - you’ll get a sense that you’re fed up with feeling bad. Maybe there’s a growing frustration with yourself that you aren’t moving on.

The signal that you’re ready to move on is not just when you start berating yourself. Self hate is not what I’m talking about here.

If you catch yourself saying things like ‘You are so pathetic!’ or ‘Get over it loser, she left you’ then you’re not ready to move on. It’s bad enough that your relationship ended. Don’t make it worse by locking in more self hate.

A feeling of understanding, however, is a different story. You start to see the whole situation as a lesson learned and you no longer feel sad or angry. You might experience indifference towards the whole thing.

Be honest with yourself. Why did you really break up? Maybe you weren’t really compatible, or your communication was poor. To ensure you increase your chances of finding someone to love for life, learn from your past relationships.

3. Rid your environment of reminders

What you focus on you is what you feel.

If you spend your time thinking about the loss of your partner - guess what? You’ll feel miserable. That’s why, once you’ve dealt with the real signals that the emotions give you, you must do as much as you can to focus your mind on things that please you.

4. Do fun things

Go out! It is important to spend time with friends, so keep yourself occupied. Start playing a new sport maybe, or learn to play an instrument. It can be really healthy to lose yourself in a completely new activity.

5. Recognize you’re ready to love again

When are you going to be ok? I can’t tell you that. Only you will know when you’re ready. How long it takes is in your hands – but set yourself a time limit.

The truth is you’ll be ready to love again when you’ve fully accepted your past relationship is over and when you’ve fully dealt with your emotions around the break up. It’s not easily measured, but doing all the steps in this process will speed it along.

Good luck!

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