Say it to Sappho: My girlfriend is smoking too much weed
October 23rd, 2009 by Sappho
“Dear Sappho. My girlfriend is using loads of weed, all of the time. At first it was more of a sociable thing, and I smoked with her but now she is smoking it at home when it is just us or she is on her own. I have brought it up but she thinks I am going on at her. She reckons she hasn’t got a problem but she has definitely changed. It is making me feel like I am being prudish or uncool or something but it is only when I think of the future that I realise it can’t carry on like this. Should I not be ‘judging’ her as she says, or am I right to be so bothered by this?” C, 25, somewhere up north…
Drugs are a problem when they have a detrimental affect on your life. This could include:
1) Making you tired, unmotivated, depressed and negatively affecting your work life
2) Causing you to lie or steal
3) Damaging your relationships with your family, friends and/or partner
4) When you are dependent and can’t get by without them
It sounds as though at least three of these apply to your girlfriend in some way.
You are in charge of your own universe and if something feels wrong to you and you don’t want it in your life, then you shouldn’t settle with it.
You disagree with your partner about a fundamental lifestyle choice and one of you has to change for your relationship to work. If you feel that her drug use is a problem because it is affecting her life negatively (and yours consequently), and she disagrees, then you have to make a decision as to what you are willing to compromise.
If she was admitting she had a problem would you be willing to support her? Evidence suggests that cannabis is psychologically (mentally) addictive, rather than physiologically (physically) addictive. Many people really struggle to stop using this drug. This also depends on why they are using it in the first place.
Why does she use weed? Are there underlying issues that she needs to face? You could offer some gentle guidance in raising these issues and support her to look at ways of managing them rather than using weed.
Challenging her for who she is and what she does could backfire. The best thing you could probably do is put the onus on you and tell her “this is not something I am willing to accept in our relationship”. She then has to take this on board and do what is necessary. If she is unable or unwilling to look at herself, maybe you need to look elsewhere.
Do you have a sex or relationship problem you need Sappho’s help with? Email Sappho@lesbilicious.co.uk, and remember to include a name, age and location.
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