Say it to Sappho: Her ex-boyfriend won’t leave us alone
February 19th, 2010 by Sappho
“Dear Sappho. My partner’s ex-boyfriend won’t leave us alone. I trust her and she seems to get fed up with him sometimes. I don’t want to tell her who she can be friends with but it’s like he is jealous and tries to put me down all the time. She doesn’t seem to notice and I don’t know how to bring it up with her.” Sarah, Ipswich
You need to discuss your feelings with your partner. If you can give a recent example of how he has upset you then you can keep your feelings in the real context. It is best to do this when he is not around. Listen to your partner’s point of view. If she is close to him she is probably better able to understand his behaviour and shed some light on it for you.
It may be that frustration and jealousy on your behalf are making you more sensitive to what he may consider harmless comments. Sometimes we only notice the negatives in situations and take the rest for granted. Try to be mindful of all of your interactions with him. Are things really as bad as they seem?
If you or your partner are not fully comfortable with any of his behaviour then he needs to be told this. If you are worried about his reaction then chose a safe time and place to do this. Be sensitive to his feelings too as he really may have no idea that he has done anything to offend you. You might find a compromise that allows all of the necessary relationships to coexist.
Do you have a sex/relationship problem you need Sappho’s help with? Email Sappho@lesbilicious.co.uk, and remember to include a name, age and location.
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