Say it to Sappho: Her parents are awful
May 27th, 2010 by Sappho
“Dear Sappho. My partner has recently lost her job and moved back into her parents house. I could just about handle her parents when I did not have to spend much time with them, but I am really uncomfortable at their house. They are controlling, negative and disrespectful. I don’t like the way they speak to my partner and I am quite sure they do not approve of our relationship. I don’t say anything as I don’t want to cause problems for my partner, but they are driving me mad.” Anon
Losing her job and having to move back with her parents must have been very stressful for your partner and as a consequence, for you also. You are both likely to be more irritable at the moment. To top it off, you are feeling frustrated at having to witness your partner being disrespected and no doubt she will have her own feelings about this.
The nature of your partners relationship with her parents will possibly be ‘normal’ for her and she may not see it as negative. As a caring outsider you will be more conscious of behaviour that is apparently negative or damaging. Get some space and share with her some of the things that you have seen and the way it makes you feel. Try to stay factual and sensitive to your partner’s relationship with her parents. Discuss how she feels and try to see her perspective.
It is easy to focus on the negative aspects of things and lose sight of the good things. Think about the positive qualities of her parents in balance, this will help you to tolerate being around them; it is unlikely that you will change her parents’ behaviour but you can make decisions about how you react to it. Think about your long term situation and what options your partner has to get her independence back again.
Do you have a sex/relationship problem you need Sappho’s help with? Email Sappho@lesbilicious.co.uk, and remember to include a name, age and location.
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