Say it to Sappho: How do I tell her what I want from sex?
January 8th, 2010 by Sappho
“Dear Sappho. Me and my partner have an amazing relationship. We have been together for a year and we work so well together in bed but there are things I would like to try to take our sexual relationship further and I don’t know how to approach this with her. Can you offer any suggestions? I don’t want her to think I’m weird!” Anon, London
If you want to share your fantasies with your partner and don’t know how she will react then I would suggest you introduce them tentatively. If you are worried about what she will think of you, there is possibly more to consider than just sex. This is also about confidence in communicating with each other.
Maybe you could test the water by using subtle physical suggestions, paying attention to how she responds. However, at some point it will be necessary to talk about what you want from your sexual relationship.
You can have fun with communication. For example, each of you could write some ideas on pieces of paper and have a special box to keep them in (and try one of these new things every week, or night, depending on your energy levels!). You could introduce role play into your sex life; the ‘disguise’ may give you both a little bit more confidence to enter new domains. Don’t underestimate the power of intimacy - invest time in becoming more and more intimate to increase your comfort levels with each other.
She obviously doesn’t know exactly what is going through your head - so be aware that it is highly unlikely that you know what is going through hers. You may well find there are things that she would like to share with you.
Be warned that fantasies do not always live up to expectations in reality. Some may excel.
Do you have a sex/relationship problem you need Sappho’s help with? Email Sappho@lesbilicious.co.uk, and remember to include a name, age and location.
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