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“Dear Sappho. My relationship with my girlfriend is going really wrong and it has been for a while. I know it needs to just end but I don’t know how we are going to be able to have a clean break from each other. We have all the same friends and one of us will lose out. I think it is going to be me. I have fallen for someone else and that someone else is a bloke. I don’t think she will ever forgive me and we definitely won’t ever be able to friends. I think everyone is going to judge me for this. I don’t know if I am strong enough to go down this road. What should I do?” Anon, North West

The immediate issue you are facing is how to end your relationship with your girlfriend in a respectful way that minimises the pain for the both of you. There is no mystery to how you have a clean break from someone - you just commit to the idea, and then you do it. It might help if you tell yourself that you are cutting her out because you care about her. Your friendship groups may be altered, which is never easy, but it is a consequence that you have to accept. Friends are not a good enough reason for you to stay together in an unhappy relationship.

Biphobia is also not a good reason to stay in an unhappy relationship. If your friends judge you and reject you for being with a man, then are they really friends worth having? Making big life choices to please other people isn’t healthy and isn’t sustainable. They may be shocked initially if this is not what they expect of you, but true friends will come round - especially when they see that you are happy.

If you don’t feel ’strong enough’ you may want to consider a third option. Time out. Time alone to get to know yourself again - to please yourself and no one else. Some space may give you the opportunity to gain some perspective. You are going to be grieving the end of your relationship with your girlfriend and it might do you good to make sure that you aren’t on the rebound.

Finally, she will get over it one day and will forgive you. If she doesn’t, that is due to her inability to process life events - it really isn’t about you.

Do you have a sex or relationship problem you need Sappho’s help with? Email Sappho@lesbilicious.co.uk, and remember to include a name, age and location.

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