Say it to Sappho: I am seeing someone who won’t even kiss me!
July 10th, 2009 by Sappho
Dear Sappho. I have struggled to find mrs right for a lot of years now (I have had a lot of fun with lots of missus almost rights). I thought I may have met her in the woman I have been dating for a couple of weeks now. We met online and went away together for a weekend when I discovered that she won’t even kiss me. Obviously this means she won’t sleep with me. But kissing?! She says she wants to get to know me first as a person but I just don’t think this is normal. I use physical affection as a way to express myself and I feel completely repressed by this. Am I just being a sleaze or am I justified in reacting like this? Frustrated, 35, Belfast
Hahahahahahahahahahaha! Sorry, can’t help myself… hmmm deep breath.
You are right. Her behaviour is abnormal. For all she knows she could be spending her time ‘getting to know you as a person’ only to find, when she eventually gets round to kissing you, that you are crap. She will have spent the equivalent of 13 days of real time, 5 days of annual leave, £465.72 in expenses and far too much oxygen getting to know you.
I think there is a lot to be said for a preliminary shag before taking things further and get serious. Otherwise you risk skipping automatically to Lesbian Bed Death mode. You obviously have issues too. Sex/intimacy addiction maybe? I wouldn’t say you are a ’sleaze’ but maybe have a think about developing skills outside of the physical affection sphere. May come in handy.
Not to rub it in or anything but I have to go snog my girlfriend. Laters.
Do you have a sex or relationship problem you need Sappho’s help with? Email Sappho@lesbilicious.co.uk, and remember to include a name, age and location.
If she doesn’t want to kiss you, then she’s definitely not into you that way. There’s plenty more fish in the sea honey!
FarOut TV ∼ July 16th, 2009 5:56 pmI’m not saying I’m right but I have a personal rule…
If you’ve not kissed her by the 2nd date…bye byeeeeee
It becomes to late for a potential relationship and has a serious risk of ending up as a friendship only…not fun when you’ve invested alot of time…
I dont think your the sleeze, I’m sorry but who DOESNT have needs?
The only thing that comes to mind is…has she been out for very long? or is she inexperienced? maybe there is a greater issue holding her back and not the fact that she doesnt fancy you…!!!
Mandy ∼ July 17th, 2009 12:57 amHow dare she have a rule about how well she knows someone before becoming physically intimate with them?
What do you know about her history? I know people who prefer to take things slowly because they find a courtship more likely to lead to long term romance and security for them, because it gives them time to broach the subject of STIs and/or relationship ground rules, because they’ve had their hearts broken and don’t trust themselves to make good decisions immediately, because there’s a history of abuse…
There are many reasons for wanting to take things slowly, none of which were brought up in Sappho’s response. Worse, she says:
“Her behaviour is abnormal. For all she knows she could be spending her time ‘getting to know you as a person’ only to find, when she eventually gets round to kissing you, that you are crap. She will have spent the equivalent of 13 days of real time, 5 days of annual leave, £465.72 in expenses and far too much oxygen getting to know you.
I think there is a lot to be said for a preliminary shag before taking things further and get serious. Otherwise you risk skipping automatically to Lesbian Bed Death mode.”
That really disturbs me. Spending more than a fortnight and some cash and “far too much oxygen” getting to know someone is ABNORMAL? Heaven help the woman who has the nous to bother to work out who she’s dating.
Dear god.
Thank goodness I’m all paired up - and our courtship took months before we had sex… 16 years ago. If a fortnight’s an abnormally long time to get to know someone before sex is demanded or I’m dumped, I would never have a relationship. I would, though, have my self-respect and a healthy sense of my own boundaries.
Maybe it’s just my age.
K ∼ July 28th, 2009 1:13 pmI agree that she probably just isn’t in to you in that way.
joanne ∼ July 28th, 2009 7:08 pmyep! feel the feelings girl! read the signals! Move on…I do apologise if this is bad advice. It is there for you to read not take but come on …kissing????
Loadsawomen waiting for what you have on offer and it could well be reciprocal..good luck x
meagain ∼ July 28th, 2009 10:08 pmJeezus, reading these comments and post, now I get what the deal is with other lesbians.
Sorry, but some people were raised with different cultural norms than you.
If I liked a girl, I might kiss her on a first date, but I might not. It wouldn’t mean I wasn’t into her.
Whatever happened to holding hands first and things like that?
Never mind why bother? Lets just have sex.
Dunno seems kind of boring to me, romance is fun yo, sometimes waiting to do stuff makes it better when you do!
K? peace out
hansallyo ∼ September 19th, 2009 9:29 pm