Lesbilicious - the web’s tastiest lesbian magazine

“Dear Sappho. I am struggling to accept that my girlfriend is a Christian. She wasn’t religious when I met her but has recently ‘accepted Jesus into her heart’. She has been through a lot over the past couple of years, including losing both of her parents. I have been there for her throughout everything, but I really can’t deal with this. My head won’t let me take this Christianity thing seriously - in fact, it is making me lose some respect for her. I know this sounds harsh, but values etc are really important to me. How should I deal with this?” Anne, 27, Glasgow

Is she the same person you fell in love with? From what you have said, it sounds as though some fundamentals have changed - to the extent that she isn’t quite the same person you fell in love with. Supporting a partner though the bereavement of losing one parent, never mind both, can be extremely hard work. But actually losing your parents must be harder. There is obviously the possibility that your partner is using faith as a crutch at a time when life feels meaningless.

I am not underestimating how important your values are to you. To disagree with your partner about something as big as whether or not there is a God, or whether or not Jesus Christ rose from the dead, is going to cause problems in a relationship. First and foremost, you need to ask yourself if you believe that you can work on this issue to a point where you will be able to agree to disagree, and accept this aspect of your partners life. She needs to ask herself the same question about you.

If you have doubts that your relationship will ever work under those circumstances, you need to look at how you would feel about bringing the relationship to an end. I doubt that your partner would want to be with someone who is losing respect for her because of what she believes in. Given that values are so important to you, I am assuming you would feel the same.

Be careful not to allow guilt to cloud your feelings and cause you to stay in the relationship for the wrong reasons i.e. because of her loss. People lose people, not their intelligence - she still deserves the truth. I would also encourage you to think deeply about religion; the detail may be different, but maybe there is still some commonality in how you both look at the world. Don’t give up too easily.

Do you have a sex/relationship problem you need Sappho’s help with? Email Sappho@lesbilicious.co.uk, and remember to include a name, age and location.

Posted in: Sex & Relationships |