Say it to Sappho: I’m in love with my friend
August 22nd, 2008 by Sappho
Dear Sappho. I fancy my friend. Worst thing about it is that she is going out with another one of my friends. I think that things could have been different and that we should have ended up together - I am not a stalker either – there is something there and I think she knows it too. I hate myself for this. What should I do? Anon, 24, London
You can’t help the way you feel… to an extent. You do have control over how much you indulge in those feelings.
Ultimately, you have a choice about how much these feelings manifest themselves in your reality. You have two basic options; 1) take a risk and tell her how you feel - you may get some closure if nothing else 2) keep it to yourself and wait for this to pass you by or for a more appropriate time to arise (e.g. the end of her relationship).
Unrequited love is painful. If, as you say, this is reciprocal then you will both have to make choices. She has a responsibility to someone else at the moment, as do you (her partner, your friend). I don’t think that I can tell you what to do but I would say that it is so important that you conduct yourself in a way that is respectful and caring to everyone involved.
If there is something genuine there between you and the person you like so much, I am sure you wouldn’t want any developments to be founded on a betrayal.
Do you have a sex/relationship problem you need Sappho’s help with? Email Sappho@lesbilicious.co.uk, and remember to include a name, age and location.
I totally agree with Sappho. I experienced a similar situation a few years ago. I was involved in a relationship at the time as well. I finished my relationship, knowing that if I had feelings for someone else it wasn’t fair on my girlfriend and tried to forget my feelings for my friend. As it turned out I couldn’t and tried to explain to my friend why I had been acting distant. It turned out she felt the same and after finishing her relationship (and a couple of months breathing space) we got together. 3 years later, we are still very happy and her ex is still friends with both of us. Don’t get me wrong there were some awkward moments but in our case it all worked out and honesty was definitely the best policy. Good luck - I hope it works out for you.
Nicole ∼ August 22nd, 2008 8:57 pm