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“Dear Sappho. I live with my girlfriend and it has been great for the past six months. She has just got a new job which involves her working really long hours and she often isn’t home in the evening. I am feeling really lonely. I don’t want to affect her new job or anything so I have suggested having a friend move in with us as we have a spare room.

She got really annoyed at me for even suggesting this and I feel like I can’t win. It’s like she just wants me here waiting for her to finish work. What do you think I should do?” Gemma, 29, Bristol

It sounds as though your girlfriends working pattern is fixed and that she has no intention to change it. So you need to accept this aspect of your circumstances - she works late, end of story. Ask yourself, if you didn’t live with your girlfriend what would you do with your evenings?

Your girlfriend is working hard. Are you really so surprised that she doesn’t want someone else to move in with you both? Maybe she just wants her own space when at home and only wants to share it with you. Surely this is a compliment to you.

You seem to want to substitute your girlfriend, in her absence, with a friend. How are you going to feel if a friend moves in and then starts getting on with her own life (i.e. not being around every evening to entertain you). You will probably be more successful at maintaining regular company with people outside of your relationship if they don’t live with you.

It is a massive assumption to say that your girlfriend just wants you at home, waiting for her. Think of it from her point of view. If she isn’t a freak who wants you locked up at home, it is more likely that she would prefer it if you just got on with your life so she doesn’t have to take responsibility for your evening entertainments as well as working long hours!

Look on the bright side, having some time alone in the evening gives you a great opportunity to invest in yourself. Take up a hobby or do more of something you already enjoy. Spend time with friends and family. Get a pet! As clichéed as it may sound, space is healthy and you will appreciate each other more.

Do you have a sex/relationship problem you need Sappho’s help with? Email Sappho@lesbilicious.co.uk, and remember to include a name, age and location.

Posted in: Sex & Relationships |