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“Dear Sappho. I am bi but have only ever slept with one woman when I was 16. I have been with guys ever since. I have started to really really like a woman and I think she likes me too… Problem is, I am being held back by my fear of sex - or more specifically my fear of sex with women. I just don’t have the confidence that I have with men, it’s not like you can practice going down on yourself! I don’t want to look like a fool. Please help!” Gemma, 27, Manchester

Everyone has a unique experience of sex with men, with women, in general. I am sure that you will find sex with women quite different to the sex that you have been having with men.

Maybe it would be easier to think less in terms of the binary ’sex with women’/’sex with men’, and more in terms of ’sex with a new person’, because you will have a different sexual experience with different women too.

You might not be able to ‘practice going down on yourself’ but it is still definitely an advantage that you are a woman. You know what feels good for you which is a starting point, if nothing else. Obviously, you can’t assume that all women are definitely going to like what you like. And this is where the communication comes in.

There is nothing sexier than a woman who has the confidence to ask you what you want, or tell you what she wants. When you get to know somebody better, there is less need for the talking and more subtle physical communication takes over (which I am sure you have experienced with your previous male partners).

You don’t seem to be struggling in terms of actually knowing what to do and so I am going to spare you a list of potential activities. (I also wouldn’t want to share my top secrets with the world.) However, there are some good tips to be found on About.com: lesbian life, and there are numerous books available with extremely indepth guidance. Try The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus: How to Go Down on a Woman and Give Her Exquisite Pleasure or The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for All of Us.

It makes sense that you are nervous, but the best advice I can give you is to practice! The sooner you get back on the dyke-bike the better.

Do you have a sex/relationship problem you need Sappho’s help with? Email Sappho@lesbilicious.co.uk, and remember to include a name, age and location.

Posted in: Sex & Relationships |