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“Dear Sappho, I am 16, live in a smallish town in rural Northumberland and am a lesbian. My family and friends all know and are cool about it but I don’t know any other lesbian girls my age - despite my best efforts…

I seem to be the ‘token lesbian’ in my school, though there are gay lads aplenty. There are a few lebian women on my rugby team but they are all much older than me and very, very scary. They also all seem to be pretty unhappy (drinking problems, selfharm etc) and I have yet to find a happy ending in lesbian literature. Who am I supposed to identify with? Is it impossible to be a lesbian and happy? I hope you can help me, Yours, Elizabeth, x x x” Elizabeth, 16, Northumberland

For a 16 year old you have managed to raise some of the biggest questions facing lesbianity today; better than a question about farts, eh?

It is great that you are ‘out’ at such a young age and despite living in a small, rural town.  I am pleased that you are surrounded by supportive family and friends too.  I think that this is possibly quite unique and you are obviously a very confident young woman and are secure enough in yourself to be honest about who you are. There are undoubtedly a bunch of other young gay women in your school who are not ready to come out; you being out may actually be a positive catalyst for other youngens who are struggling.

Although society is becoming more accepting of the LGBT community, we still face huge challenges. As a result, there are above-average rates of alcohol use and self-harm within the lesbian community and this is probably what you are seeing on your rugby team. Also, it is possibly more difficult to meet like-minded gay women where you live and therefore find happiness (not that happiness can only be found in someone else of course…)

The lack of positive lesbian role models for younger women is a big issue.  It’s not that they don’t exist, it’s just that they are hidden in history or they don’t get the media attention. It means that we lesbians have to do a bit of research. I would highly recommend the projects that Lik:T in Manchester have run for younger lesbian and bisexual women around role models.  You are right that It is really difficult to find happy endings in lesbian literture, but again, they do exist. I can recommend Sarah Waters classics Tipping the Velvet and Fingersmith, and But I’m a Cheerleader in film.

You might want to consider talking to a supportive teacher about setting up an LGBT group in your school?  Or you could visit other groups in your region to meet some new people (e.g. other college/university groups). Meeting other LGBT people will definitely give you a more representative impression of what it means to be gay and will help you figure out what it means to you.

It isn’t impossible to be a lesbian and happy. Like everybody else, lesbians face challenges in life that can mean it is sometimes difficult to be happy.  And like everyone else, lesbians are sometimes misguided as to what will actually make them happy.  As long as you are happy with yourself Elizabeth, everything else will fall into place.

Read related articles:

‘Lesbians 50 tines more likely to self-harm’ - results of shocking new UK lesbian health survey
70% of Scottish LGBT young people do not feel safe in school
90% of LGBT teenagers in USA suffer harassment

Do you have a sex/relationship problem you need Sappho’s help with? Email Sappho@lesbilicious.co.uk, and remember to include a name, age and location.

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