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“Dear Sappho. I fell in love with someone 8 years ago. We had a sexual relationship, but under the wrong circumstances (as she had a boyfriend at the time), and we haven’t been in touch for the past 5 years. I had never stopped thinking about her and have never had anything anywhere near as special since. She recently got in touch via Facebook and I agreed to meet with her (secretly jumped at the chance). All of that old chemistry was still there and we slept together. However, we just didn’t talk about anything or what it meant. I haven’t seen her for months since but I know that she is unquestionably the person I want to be with. I have always known. I want to tell her but something is holding me back. Do I need to let go of her?” Jen, 30, London

You need to work out what it is that is holding you back. Fear of rejection wouldn’t be a good reason to be held back; her having a partner who she loves and three children might be.

If you decide to let go and move on from that unquestionable feeling you have, will you be able to find contentment in the future? Or will there be a constant ‘what if?’ in the back of your mind?

Honesty is the only way to allow people to make the best choices about things that affect them. If she doesn’t know how you feel, or is believing incorrect things about how you feel, then she will only be acting accordingly. Give her a chance to think about a future with you in the full knowledge of exactly how you feel about her.

Her response to your honesty will hopefully reveal the truth about her feelings and enable you to work out how you move forward, without that nagging ‘what if?’.

There is obviously a massive lack of verbal communication between you both and you also need to work out if this chemistry is enough for you to build a relationship on. I’m wondering if that chemistry would be present under ‘normal’ circumstances; sometimes something can feel amazing because you can’t have it, or shouldn’t be doing it. Would it survive the heat of a formal, normal relationship?

By no means do I want to undermine that feeling you have - it sounds amazing. A lot of people aren’t lucky enough to ever feel it once, never mind once again. Perhaps you owe it to yourself to push it as far as it will go, before you consider letting go.

Do you have a sex/relationship problem you need Sappho’s help with? Email Sappho@lesbilicious.co.uk, and remember to include a name, age and location.

Posted in: Sex & Relationships |