Say it to Sappho: Long-distance & LBD - is there hope?
July 3rd, 2009
Dear Sappho. I’ve been in a committed relationship a woman for almost 2 years now. We’re very happy together and in that typical lesbian fashion, can’t imagine our lives independent of each other. For some reason though, we have this cyclical pattern of LBD!
We’ll get down to the dirty once or twice and then all of the sudden its been a month and we’re acting more like best friends than lovers. I’ve read all the articles, talked to my other lesbian or gay (male) friends and even bought a book or two, but all of it was to no avail! Now, I’m on the verge of moving with my company 2,000 miles away and our already “strained” minimal sex relationship will be reduced to weekend forays. Do you have any advice about kick starting our romance and keeping the flame burning once we’re apart?? Cheers, LBD- California, USA
LBD - ‘lesbian bed death’ - is a term used to describe a pattern that commonly appears in lesbian relationships. It refers to romantic lesbian relationships (that involve lots of sex) being reduced to what can only be described as friendship. Gross.
It seems like you have already invested a lot of time and energy into trying to resolve your issue. A recent Lesbilicious article around LBD attracted a lot of comments from our readers, including some interesting advice e.g. don’t share perfumes, shower gels etc - keep your own smell! And you thought the extra wardrobe of clothes to share was an advantage of being a lezza. Well, think again. You certainly shouldn’t be sharing clothes and especially not underwear.
I think you are about to do the one thing you haven’t tried yet; time apart. The new distance between you may be just what you need. It will give you both an opportunity to really miss each other. You will anticipate seeing each other again with excitement. Given that you won’t be together day-to-day, when you do see each other you will be more likely do ’special’ things together (including sex, hopefully).
Distance could also cause either of you to stray. Only you know how much your LBD symptoms are a strain on your relationship. Is it enough of a strain to make you doubt that you want to be together? Enough for you to be unfaithful? My advice is to have open conversations. The thought of each other with someone else might be enough to get you to have sex. Not in a pervy way, in a jealous way.
I think it would be great for you to try some serious role play. When I say serious, I mean make it last weeks, even months! Pretend you don’t know each other and start again. Could be fun. Let me know how it goes - I am not aware of this method having ever been tested.
Do you have a sex or relationship problem you need Sappho’s help with? Email Sappho@lesbilicious.co.uk, and remember to include a name, age and location.
Dont mean to sound harsh but I think you should break up. do you really want to be travelling 2000 miles to see what is basically a best friend? She’s not even a best friend with benefits! Break up, cry, find someone who makes you feel horny and just be regular friends with this woman.
M-Ann ∼ July 5th, 2009 9:41 pm