Say it to Sappho: My girlfriend and my mum hate each other
August 7th, 2009
“Dear Sappho. What are you meant to do when your girlfriend hates your mum and your mum hates your girlfriend? Hate is possibly a strong word, but they don’t like each other. It is horrible because it has actually made me question my relationship with my girlfriend… I’m stuck with my mother. I really envy people who have the whole happy family situation with partners getting on with parents. Does this mean my relationship with my girlfriend won’t ever last?” Donna, 27, Southampton
That’s a tough one. These are probably your two most significant relationships, and both parties are making life difficult for you.
I am wondering if they are aware of the impact of their attitudes. If they are operating as though they think this is acceptable in the longer-term, then they need to be told they are mistaken. You need to tell them how this makes you feel. Once the ball is in their courts, they can then choose to make mature or immature decisions around how they move forward.
Not a lot of people have the perfect family set up in which partners and parents are best friends. Don’t feel too sorry for yourself. However, this does not mean you should have to put up with your mother and girlfriend ‘hating’ each other. Part of me is tempted to encourage you to get to the root of their feelings (i.e. is it jealousy, insecurity and so on) and the other part of me is thinking you should just tell them to grow up.
Your mothers relationship with your partner is absolutely not the litmus test for the potential success of any of your relationships. Yes, you can respect her opinion, but it is your life. Only you can know if a relationship is right for you.
Do you have a sex or relationship problem you need Sappho’s help with? Email Sappho@lesbilicious.co.uk, and remember to include a name, age and location.
My 1st girlfriend and my mum didn’t get on from the moment they met.it was a difficult situation for me so i sympathise with you completely.after about 6 months of silences,and awkwardness i made them sort it out as i was always stressed about it.it helped and things got better,so it maybe a case of asking what exactly it is they don’t like about each other.even if it’s just for your own sanity,you need to do whats best for you.
monkeygrrl ∼ August 11th, 2009 9:38 am