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“Dear Sappho. Me and my girlfriend have a great relationship. We really love each other and fancy each other. Her sex drive isn’t as high as mine though. Ideally, I would like it if we had sex AT LEAST twice a day. For her, three or four times a week would be fine. We have talked about it and compromised at once a day (unless she really doesn’t want to). I don’t know if this is going to be enough for me and I’m scared I’ll do something I don’t really want to do because I’m frustrated. Is there a way to increase my girlfriends sex drive?” Leanne, 25, Portsmouth

I have a list of causes of low libido in women, but your girlfriend is up for having sex with you once a day - I am struggling to see a problem with her.

Out of the two of you, it sounds as though you are the one with an issue that needs to be managed. At first glance it might seem that neither of you are ‘wrong’, just ‘different’. However, your sex drive sounds like it could potentially have adverse effects on your life. There are times when it could be more in control of you than you are of it.

It isn’t your girlfriend’s responsibility to ensure that you are sexually satisfied at all times. Nor is it the responsibility of any other random lesbians. It is yours. I suggest you put a bit more time aside for self-love and tone down the pressure on your missus. If you’re not careful, your sex drive will have nowhere to go soon.

For those of you who are seriosuly struggling with a low libido, there can be a range of physical causes (e.g. alcoholisom, post-pregnancy) and also psychological causes (e.g. stress, depression). If you feel that physical factors are likely to be the issue then you should see your GP. If emotional issues are more prominent you may want to consider Relate or other counselling.

Do you have a sex/relationship problem you need Sappho’s help with? Email Sappho@lesbilicious.co.uk, and remember to include a name, age and location.

Posted in: Sex & Relationships |