Say it to Sappho: Secret love affair is too much for me
April 23rd, 2010 by Sappho
“Dear Sappho I am married and have just started dating a woman from work who is also married. We have agreed that we would not tell our husbands as there are children involved on both sides. My girlfriend says she has always known she was bisexual, but this is all new to me. I am finding it quite stressful. I have not had much of a sexual relationship with my husband now for a few years, but I feel so guilty as he is a lovely man. I am also jealous of my girlfriend’s husband as I don’t know what their relationship is like. She says it doesn’t matter and to be honest I don’t like to ask as it makes me feel sick. I feel out of my depth but when I am with her I am so happy.” Anon, Carlisle
All relationships have their complications as people adjust their lives to grow together. This can mean making changes, compromising and tolerating things that may be challenging. Often these changes cause some stress which may pass. Sometimes these adjustments are too difficult and people move in different directions.
If the normal stresses in a relationship are not dealt with they can overshadow the good things. The relationship you have has many elements with a potential for stress; secrecy, ambiguity, attachments to other partners and children as well as all of the usual issues when entering into a new relationship.
The more of these elements you address the less stressful your relationship will be and the more you can focus on positive things. It maybe that some of the choices you make will have to be handled sensitively over time and will have emotionally challenging consequences. If you try to handle everything at once you will be overwhelmed.
Think about one thing at a time and think things through. You don’t need to make any rash, irreversible decisions. Talk about your feelings to someone you can trust - this may help you keep perspective.
Do you have a sex/relationship problem you need Sappho’s help with? Email Sappho@lesbilicious.co.uk, and remember to include a name, age and location.
I’ve had relationships with married women in similar situations as yours..this is why they’re ex’s now.The stress of these types of relationships turned out to be more of a problem than the pleasure that was coming out of it.I can especially sypathize with it being new, that falone can allow for an awakening that I know I allowed myself to get caught up in.I think if your ready to handle the relationship,jealousy,ect entering it with an knowledge of what it is then it might work..mine lasted 2years tops..good luck
keeta,AZ ∼ August 2nd, 2010 8:22 pm