Say it to Sappho: She is jealous of my best friend
October 6th, 2011 by Sappho
“Dear Sappho. My girlfriend is causing problems by being jealous of me spending time with my best friend. She hasn’t always been like this but because she has been so busy with work and not able to spend as much time with me, she is getting annoyed when I am doing fun stuff with my best friend. It is so bad that I have thought about breaking up with her. I am too scared to tell her I think she is just being jealous because I know she will just get upset and say I don’t understand her. Personally I think it is healthy to spend lots of time with friends as well as girlfriends. What should I do?” TeganFan, 22, Glasgow
I would have to agree with you that it is healthy to have a balanced life and to spend time with friends as well as partners. It is also important to make sure that you do make time for your relationship. When you have time together, you have more of an opportunity to talk about how you feel and to reassure each other.
It sounds as though your girlfriend has been under a lot of pressure with work. What lies beneath her behaviour could possibly be the simple fact that she loves you and misses you and resents the fact that she has to be at work so much. In that sense, her being jealous of someone else getting to spend so much time with you could be considered understandable.
The less time you have together the more distant you will feel from each other. Ask yourself if this has contributed to you considering ending the relationship. Maybe the distance has meant you have forgotten why you got together in the first place.
Relationships between two women have their own set of difficulties. How you spend your time with your best friend may be similar to what you would normally do with your girlfriend. Because you are all women automatic comparisons are drawn and jealousy will raise it’s ugly head. When allowed to get out of control, jealousy not only makes relationships difficult but it also torments the individual. Your girlfriend needs to be aware of her jealousy so that she can manage it.
Breaking up may be what you need to do. However, it seems to me that you haven’t yet put in the work that is necessary to see if this can be resolved. It sounds like you have drifted apart because of your different lifestyles and maybe you have been getting what you need (companionship etc) from your friendships. Talk to your girlfriend. Tell her where you are at and what you are thinking. Maybe you just need to reassure her and make time for each other.
i fancy my best friend no 1 knows i am a lesbian and i am scared 2 tell any 1 even my best friend and we are really close we say i luv u to each other every day but she just means in a friendly way but when we walk home together we talk about bein gay and she said if i asked her out she would probaly say yes but i think she just said that coz she thinks it will neva happen
rolo ∼ October 11th, 2011 10:36 pm