Say it to Sappho: She must be bi if she wants… that
March 26th, 2010 by Sappho
“Dear Sappho. My partner always wants penetrative sex. I’ve not had penetrative sex with previous partners and I think she might be bisexual. I’ve nothing against bisexuals it’s just that I don’t want a complicated relationship. She respects the fact that I don’t want her to penetrate me and I respond to her request but I don’t feel comfortable with it all.” Anon, Essex
The basic function of a woman’s body is the same irrespective of her sexuality. Penetrative sex does not have to be about a penis. Some women find penetration enjoyable and there are many ways of achieving this using fingers, hands, toys etc.
Some women are more sensitive and might prefer gentle penetration others prefer something more hardcore. Whichever, it’s about personal choice not sexual identification. Other women like yourself prefer to avoid penetration. It maybe that it just doesn’t work for you. It could also be a psychological block such as feeling it threatens your sense of identity or fear about it being painful.
If your partner is bisexual it does not necessarily mean your relationship is going to be complicated. What may be complicated is if you are unable to discuss this with her. If you are having a sexual relationship it is wise to talk about past relationships, not only to understand each other more but also to asses the likelihood of sexually transmitted infections.
If you are doing things sexually that you do not feel comfortable with this will eventually lead to discord and resentment in your relationship. This will affect your enjoyment of sex as a whole and could damage your relationship.
If your partner identifies as bisexual find out what this means to her. Being bisexual does not mean that she cannot be monogamous or that she craves a penis.
Do you have a sex/relationship problem you need Sappho’s help with? Email Sappho@lesbilicious.co.uk, and remember to include a name, age and location.
i used to have a similar issue with penatration during sex.i didn’t feel comfortable with it and used to panick if i thought sex was gonna lead that way.but for me it was a mental block.once i spoke to my partner about my issues we worked through it and things have been great. the best thing is to talk it over with your other half or it will come between you.
monkeygrrl ∼ March 27th, 2010 8:47 amHello??!!! What planet are you living on?! I’m a lesbian who’s never even kissed a bloke, has never had a desire to and certainly no men parts near me! I.e am defo not bi(not that it matters: my partner is and our relationship is far from complicated!) And guess what, I enjoy penetrative sex very much, whether with fingers/hand or toys. Oh and all my previous partners have been lesbians, may of them ‘gold star’(I hate this term)and have all enjoyed penetrative sex. Give your girlfriend a break, it has nothing to do with wanting a penis, whether she’s bi or not… liking penetration is far from an indicator of this. And bi or not bi… it doesn’t matter!
R ∼ March 29th, 2010 6:05 pm