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“Dear Sappho, my girlfriend really wants us to get a civil partnership. I’m happy being with her but I don’t want to get ‘married’ and conform to a heterosexual institution that has got nothing to do with our relationship.

But she thinks it means I am not serious about our relationship and our future together. I really really don’t see the point of it all! It’s turning into a really big issue between us and I don’t know what to do. Please advise.” Helen, 30, Edinburgh

Helen, it might help if you have an understanding of ‘the point’ - as you phrase it - of a civil partnership. A civil partnership is the equivalent, in legal terms, to marriage for straight couples.

So, for example, you would get the same rights as a straight couple in relation to financial matters such as pensions and inheritance. Also, a civil partnership grants next of kin rights - so if one of you ended up unwell and in hospital, your partner would be the first person contacted. (It’s difficult to believe this has only been guaranteed for gay couples in the UK since 2005!)

Whilst I can completely appreciate your concern about ‘heterosexual institutions’ I think you also need to consider the fact that there is a difference between ‘equal rights’ and just copying another group of people.

A ‘civil partnership’ grants equal rights; a ‘gay wedding’ generally copies a ritual that has been carried out by heterosexual couples for a very long time. Would you feel comfortable tying some kind of knot with your girlfriend if the ritualistic process was different to that of our straight counterparts?

‘Marriage’ is loaded with religious connotations that have been carefully avoided by the powers that be who have crafted ‘civil partnerships’. This means that you have a simple legal structure which you can customise your own wedding/marriage/partnership around. See it as an opportunity - one that a lot of people have worked hard to ensure we have to enjoy.

To end a civil partnership both parties involved have to go through a ‘dissolution’ which is court-based, just like a divorce. So if it is commitment you are afraid of, don’t worry, there is an exit route.

Do you have a sex/relationship problem you need Sappho’s help with? Email Sappho@lesbilicious.co.uk, and remember to include a name, age and location.

Posted in: Sex & Relationships |