Say it to Sappho: She won’t say she loves me
November 13th, 2009 by Sappho
“Dear Sappho. My girlfriend refuses to say ‘those three words’. It is doing my head in because I know she does love me. Our first 3 months together have been completely amazing but she thinks it would be rushing and wants it to be special. I say it to her though and make her feel really loved so it is making me feel crap when she won’t say it back. I feel like it is putting a downer on the relationship and so maybe she isn’t ‘the one’ after all. What do you think?” Shez, 20, UK
I think that this issue of saying ‘I love you’ to each other has become symbolic of something else.
Question. Have you slept with her within your first three months together? I’m guessing so. But she hasn’t seen that as rushing something that should be special.
You have made a big deal of saying ‘I love you’ to her. Therefore you have a made a big deal out of her saying it to you. This then creates a pressure on her that is essentially pointless. She knows it means something to you and probably isn’t sure whether or not it would be a good thing to do what you obviously want so much.
Or, she is enjoying the control she has over how you feel.
Or, she doesn’t actually love you properly yet and doesn’t want to lie.
Essentially, I don’t know. But what I do know is that three months isn’t a long time. If she isn’t ‘the one’ for you because she hasn’t said those three words within your first three months of being together then you might want to tell her that’s how you feel - before she does fall in love (only to be told it’s too late as you are holding a grudge - thanks to the delay).
Gosh, it could all be so simple…
Do you have a sex or relationship problem you need Sappho’s help with? Email Sappho@lesbilicious.co.uk, and remember to include a name, age and location
Why do you feel the need to say ‘I love you’ so early on in a relationship? We often feel as if we may love someone when actually it is just the excitement of a new relationship. Maybe your girlfriend wants to be certain of her feelings before saying words which are clearly so important to you. Or maybe she just believes that it is impossible to truly love someone at such an early stage. Back off for a while and then if and when she does say the words you will know they are form her heart, not because you forced her hand.
Angie ∼ November 13th, 2009 7:58 pmIf someone said ‘I love you’ and ‘you’re the one’ to me after only three months, I’d be running for the hills! Clearly she must like you because she’s still around even though you’re coming on so strong, give her some time and stop being so pushy!
Kathryn ∼ November 29th, 2009 6:27 pm