Say it to Sappho: she’s so selfish in bed
November 7th, 2008
“Dear Sappho. I have been seeing this girl for a few months. From the beginning it has been all about the sex - which is great! Now though, I am being put off by the fact that she is really quite selfish…
I thought the initial balance would adjust over time, but it hasn’t. I really enjoy giving - but I like to be on the receiving end too sometimes! I don’t feel able to bring this up with her. I don’t want her to feel bad… what do you think I should do?” Sarah, 30, Birmingham
What I am getting from you Sarah, is that you aren’t a great communicator. You have said yourself that you don’t feel able to bring it up with her, and that you don’t want her to feel bad. I have no doubt that this is reflected in the way you behave during sex. Your non-verbal communication is probably as poor as what you are saying.
Your girl probably thinks she is giving you what you want - because you are doing nothing at all to show her that this isn’t the case! And now you are calling her ’selfish’… give her a chance! If you communicate with her and tell her what you want and she still remains equally as ’selfish’, then you have something to complain about.
If you continue this pattern without honesty, you are both likely to get stuck in a place where you are too afraid to step out of the roles you have created for yourselves and each other. Your view of sex is obviously one that states that giving is selfless and receiving is selfish. Step out of that constrictive way of thinking and you are likely to enjoy a more exciting and mutually satisfying sexual relationship.
Do you have a sex/relationship problem you need Sappho’s help with? Email Sappho@lesbilicious.co.uk, and remember to include a name, age and location.
I agree, tell her (or show her) and give her a chance to redress the balance. It has to be said though… some girls are just pillow princesses, best you find out sooner than later or you may have a few frustrating liaisons to come (or not!).