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“Dear Sappho, I recently starting having driving lessons and have developed a monster crush on my instructor (not in a ohmygod unobtainable hot teacher way, an ACTUAL real crush). I’m pretty sure she’s gay, she’s older than me but I don’t care about age, I’d like to ask her out. I don’t know the appropriate-ness of this…

I mean obviously if it was a school teacher it would be definitely wrong, but I don’t think driving instructors count? As we’re both adults and it’s not so formal. Would it be totally wrong to ask her out? Is that crossing a line? How could I do this in a subtle test-the-water way incase she already has a partner or isn’t actually gay (though I’m pretty sure she is)? Also there is another small problem in that she MAY think I’m dating my best friend who picks me up from my lessons (just because I think she knows I’m gay, and me and my friend are basically joined at the hip and behave like an old married couple) Fix it please! Athankyou.” Jane, 24, Hull

At the moment Jane, it sounds like your are the unobtainable one; getting picked up by your best mate and acting like you’re civil partnered…

The appropriateness of asking your instructor out will depend entirely on her.  There is no official law saying it is wrong but think about it… you ask her out, she says no, she feels nervous about work because you are there and can’t do her job properly.

Unless you can guarantee a positive response, you might want to consider how many lessons you have left and how much you want to learn to drive.  Because making a move is taking a risk and there is more at stake than just your pride. You may just put yourself in a situation where you feel completely uncomfortable.

Or, she could say yes and it could be the start of something beautiful. However, it could also be the start of a nightmare. She could fall madly in love with you as you realise that close up, and out of the context of ‘lessons’, she ain’t that hot after all… and then you really are going to have to change instructors.

I am going to give you some tips anyway, because I realise you may want to take the risk despite my better judgement. Right, this is my ‘how to test the water’ advice:

1) Give her a compliment and assess her reaction - you have to trust your own instincts!

2) In terms of working out if she has a partner, people usually make it clear that they have a partner when they are in happy, healthy relationships. If she doesn’t mention anything she is either single or unhappy with her current partner

3) Make use of the internet… add her as a Facebook friend! If she accepts, that is a good start - then you can do a bit of research/stalking (delete as appropriate)

If your crush continues to grow and you are still serious about this as your set of lessons come to a close, ask her out then. That way, you have nothing to lose. This would also give you a bit of time to have your best friend surgically removed from your hip. Unless you’re into that kinda thing!

Do you have a sex/relationship problem you need Sappho’s help with? Email Sappho@lesbilicious.co.uk, and remember to include a name, age and location.

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