Say it to Sappho: Should I go to Pride if I’m just going to be jealous?
June 19th, 2009 by Sappho
“Dear Sappho. My girlfriend really wants me to go to Brighton and Manchester Prides with her this year. She has been before but I haven’t and I feel really nervous about it. She is really confident and knows a lot of people. I am also really worried that loads of other girls will fancy her and I don’t want to be jealous. Should I just be supportive and go along anyway?” R, 19, Liverpool
Going to a Pride event for the first time really shouldn’t be loaded with negativity - especially not Manchester and Brighton!
It sounds like you are afraid of the unfamiliar and being out of your comfort zone. It is also apparent that there is some insecurity in your relationship (namely you feeling that your girlfriend is too good for you).
She isn’t too good for you. It sounds as though she really wants to share something with you that she has really enjoyed before and feels that you will enjoy too. By accepting the invitation and being open to a good time what is the worst thing that could happen?
Worst case scenario is that she is a ’scene-queen’ and will leave you stranded with strangers. If she is that kind of person you should know by now and can prepare appropriately. A more realistic worst-case scenario for you is that there will be other girls who fancy her and make sure you know about it. If you can alter how you think about this (by reminding yourself that they fancy her, she doesn’t fancy them!) then you should be just fine.
Pride should be a chance for you to celebrate the fact that you can be in a relationship with who you want. Try to enjoy it for what it is. Take a look at the Manchester and Brighton Pride websites and get excited!
Do you have a sex or relationship problem you need Sappho’s help with? Email sappho@lesbilicious.co.uk and remember to include a name, age and location.
Have you actually talked over how you feel with your girlfriend? Is she aware of how insecure you feel, and are you prepared to take a deep breath and listen to (and trust) her?
Really good resources for understanding how conflicts arise and how to deal constructively with them (in the bedroom or the boardroom) include:
Conflict Resolution Network
http://www.crnhq.org
We Can Work It Out (Notarius & Markman)
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Can-Work-Out-Conflicts-Strengthen/dp/0399521372
(Assumes straight relationship, but excellent explanations of how to have clear communication about heavily emotional subjects)
Pema Chodron’s teachings about difficult emotions are solidly Tibetan Buddhist, but you don’t have to be a Buddhist to appreciate their practicality. Her focus is on dealing with your own fears, and understanding what they have to teach you about yourself so you can be liberated from them:
K ∼ June 19th, 2009 10:00 amhttp://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/bookstore1.php
Hi, R,
Ines ∼ June 21st, 2009 4:52 pmYou know, sometimes I feel the same way about all those other girls. Actually, I was really insecure about it. The main idea, though, is that you need to see the fact that they fancy her (maybe) but she doesn´t fancy them back (as the glorious Sappho said). She fancies you. She doesn´t care about who else fancies her except you.
Anyway… leave them to their pointless fantasies. They WISH they could be in your place.