Say it to Sappho: Do I need to hate her to stop loving her?
March 27th, 2009 by Sappho
“Dear Sappho. Do you need to hate your ex in order to not love them any more? I can’t see a better way of truly letting go of someone!” Anon, 22, Lancaster
There certainly is a very thin line between love and hate. If you are truly in love with someone, and for whatever reason you can’t be with them, hate is often a very handy way forward. Focus absolutely on all of the things that you could have potentially despised about them when you were together, and what do you know, you aren’t feeling the love any more!
However, there is a big flaw in this approach. Hate is just as strong an emotion as love. By hating the person, you obviously still have extremely strong feelings about them. You will know when you are really over someone when all you feel is indifferent.
There are ways to to let go of someone without hating them. But it isn’t easy. If you have honestly loved somebody, you should want them to be happy no matter what. This is an idealistic theory, but it is entirely possible to focus on this thought and let it guide you away from hating them and away from loving them too much. If you want to be the kind of person that leaves a relationship as positively as possible, then this is the attitude you should train yourself to have.
The last thing you want to do is use bitterness and hate to disguise the love. Be honest with yourself about how you feel and work through it.
Do you have a sex/relationship problem you need Sappho’s help with? Email Sappho@lesbilicious.co.uk, and remember to include a name, age and location.
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