April 1, 2011

IconTabloid LGBT news round up: March 2011

As a Lesbilicious reader you’ll be used to reading sensible, well-balanced news about gay issues. But what if you’re in the mood for some ill-informed, deliberately misrepresentative stereotyping nonsense?

To save you the trouble of reading the tabloids yourself, we’re starting a monthly review of some of the very best / worst LGBT coverage in the straight press. So without further ado here is the first monthly round-up of all the news they deemed fit to print about us.

What makes us gay?

While many papers reported that serotonin depravation turns mice into gay men (or something along those lines, anyway), the Sun trumps it in the Improbable Causes of Homosexuality stakes, with its ‘7/7 bomb nut turned me gay‘ headline.

Reading further, the article reveals that bomber Germaine Lindsey’s ex-girlfriend has been put off men for life. This particular story has a happy ending, however, as the woman in question, Nicki Pike, is going to marry her girlfriend in the summer.

Donor kebab

Now, if there’s one paper you can trust to spray you with flecks of gay-induced froth, then it’s the dear old Daily Mail.

On 22 March, it did try its best to get right-thinking society’s knickers in a collective twist over the lesbian couple who opened a fertility clinic (or, as the Star kindly put it for those of us who have trouble negotiating words of more than a syllable, ‘TOT HELP FOR GAYS’), but is foiled on all sides by the damned reasonableness of everyone involved.

Christian B&B case fresh in mind, the Daily Mail hot hoofs to the Home Office to get its opinion. ‘If a straight couple were to approach them for help, they would not be able to refuse to serve them,’ says a spokesman. See? See!

He also adds: ‘it is legitimate to advertise as a ‘same-sex fertility clinic’. Oh. What about the clinic owners themselves eh? “The pair say they wouldn’t turn away a heterosexual couple.” Bugger. That just leaves the Christian groups, then. The Mail asks them. They’re against, obv. Phew.

The Mail simply can’t keep its hands off us. Earlier in the month, it reported on plans in the USA for a ‘University to let men and women share dorm rooms in ‘gay friendly’ move (…and parents can’t veto their children’s choices)‘ – or, translated, ‘adults get to choose own flatmates’.

Last week, it was fulminating against the Equality and Human Rights Commission’s idea to investigate adolescent sexuality, and notes that “it tells researchers not to dismiss gay feelings of interviewees as ‘a passing phase.” “The report has provoked outrage,” says the Mail, outraged.

Multiple ectoplasms

Meanwhile, the Mirror has avoided any actual news in favour of a spine-tinglingly spooky story about a certain BBC3 hottie. Coronation Street actress Shobna Gulati, it reveals, read Heather Peace’s palm and “predicted Heather would have to choose a mainstream TV role or one in a new show – and the next week she got offered parts in Corrie and lesbian drama Lip Service. She also said Heather would travel the country ‘on a stage’ and then she was offered a UK tour.”

While Lesbilicious notes that Ms Peace, déshabillé, made dreary winter Tuesday nights a little brighter, it would also have been delighted to have seen her stacking shelves at The Kabin in a tight little criss-cross pinny and hopes that ITV Studios will keep the offer open just that little bit longer.

Gay cure?

Last word for this month – ‘Gayness Is Hardly a Disease‘- goes to Vanessa Feltz, who knows a good deal about the infinite variety of human sexuality, having previously dated a Honey Monster.

She lambasts that silly little app that cured gayness, writing “This app makes bigoted assumptions while promising something it cannot deliver. Apple should take note of the petition opposing it and remove the app.” We hear ya, sister! And so did Apple, which withdrew the app on 23 March.

News round-up by Kim Renfrew

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Milly Shaw

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