February 13, 2013
The Lesbilicious Guide to Meeting Your Perfect Woman
So, you’ve decided that your days of singledom must come to an end. The freedom has been fun, but it’s getting a bit awkward running into ‘acquaintances’ at unexpected moments and, worse still, discovering that they have also been quite ‘friendly’ with 3 of your exes. You’re hot, intelligent and immaculately turned out; in short, you’re a real catch. But where on earth do you go to find a lady deserving of your heart, and indeed, of access to your Heather Peace back-catalogue? Let us help…
Happily, this method of finding love is quickly losing the stigma it once had. In fact, it provides a perfect place to meet a wide range of people for chat, fun and maybe more. Firstly there are social media sites such as Twitter. Many happy couples owe their relationship to the open forum for discussion that Twitter provides, as well as filters that, once they catch onto the fact that you’re a lesbian, direct every other lesbian in the known world to follow you. The only catch here is that, as we know, the people on the other end of these tweets could literally be ANYONE. If @axemurdererintraining or @letsgetmarriedonthethirddate try to get it on with you, run away quickly.
Perhaps a more ‘traditional’ way of meeting a lady on the web is the lesbian dating site. Sites such as this offer a professional and, importantly, free gateway to a variety of women. Not only do you get to see a picture of your potential beau, but also find out a whole wealth of information about them, from political beliefs all the way through to their idea of a great night in / out. Perfect.
Pubs and clubs:
In terms of traditional, age-old pulling spots, this has to be top of the list. Across the hazy, strobe-lit dancefloor, you see her. A vision in skinny jeans and a Superdry vest, giving you those ‘come to bed’ eyes. You stride purposefully across the room, give her a burst of your best funky dance moves, and she is putty in your hands. Ok, so perhaps this isn’t always the way it works. Maybe there’s a bit more staring first. Staring longingly. For quite some time. Before you drunkenly stagger over, just before closing, and throw up on her shoes. You old smoothie.
Pubs and clubs can be great places to pull, especially in bigger towns and cities. Just make sure you have a good group of mates in tow and that you maintain an appropriate level of sobriety, just in case.
Gym or a sports team:
What better place to meet a gorgeous lady than at a gym? Or at your local hockey / football / rugby club? (Yes, I could have used other sports examples, but let’s just run with the stereotype, for the sake of argument). If they’re engaging in some physical activity, chances are they look after themselves and are sociable, interesting people. At the very least, they probably enjoy the drinks in the clubhouse after the game. The only downsides to this are that your lady will see you sweaty and, if you’re a novice, possibly a bit flustered and confused. However, don’t be put off; there’s a lot of fun to be had in those showers…
Why not brighten up your working day with a bit of flirtation with an attractive colleague? You see each other every day, and if you work together, you probably live in roughly the same area. The hardest bit about this tends to be ascertaining if the colleague in question is interested (indeed, if they are LGBT in the first place). However, if they are, a post-work drink is a great way to get to know each other better. Be charming, be cheeky, be confident; ask them questions and be genuinely interested in their answers. But beware: if this relationship goes wrong, you may find yourself having to dig out that interview suit.
At the vet:
Of course, being a self-respecting single lesbian, you’ve got a cat. Or a dog. Or a very sweet but slightly less entertaining hamster. Anyway, if you’ve got a pet, chances are, sooner or later, you’ll have to visit the vet. And who knows who might be sitting in that waiting room. However, waiting until your pet needs medical attention might not be the most pro-active approach to changing the fortunes of your love life. Also, is it the most romantic setting? Perhaps not. But at least we successfully navigated this section of the article without a disgusting pun about stroking a pussy.
At the supermarket:
We’ve all been there. You’re strolling through the frozen foods section and all of a sudden, a little hottie appears, quicker than you can say, “Why do these burgers come with a free saddle?” Not familiar? Ok. So maybe this suggestion is a little tenuous. Ikea, on the other hand, could be a whole different ball game. Spot-the-lesbian is always a great game to play in the aforementioned Swedish flat-pack haven, so this could be the ideal opportunity to strike up a conversation about soft furnishings; with any luck, you might end up on hers. This could also of course be a good place for your second date, when you’re choosing furniture for your love nest. Well, you know what lesbians are like…
So, now that you’ve got a few ideas up your sleeves, I’m sure you’re all raring to go out and bag yourselves a life partner. No? Oh, ok then. Whether you are single, in a relationship, ‘seeing someone’, or sworn off of romance for good, here at Lesbilicious we hope you have a lovely Valentine’s Day, doing exactly what you want to do. Enjoy.
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Justin Bieber lesbian parody
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