June 4, 2012
The top 8 children’s character bromances
Bromance; isn’t it a beautiful thing? Since days of old, boys’ friendships have blossomed and bloomed into cute, close relationships: Marc Anthony and Julius Caesar (pre-Cleopatra); Lennon and McCartney (pre-Yoko, obvs) and Brad and George.
Only now, though, have we got a term that really encompasses the ‘love’ they feel for one another (and let’s face it…it’s not always obvious how, erm, deep this affection runs, is it?). Even the most masculine of blokes have got on board with this idea and I for one think it’s fabulous.
But where do boys learn to forge these kinds of deep and meaningful ‘friendships’? Through positive male role models? Through strong, caring father figures? God no…through the power of children’s fictional characters! Yes, folks, that’s right.
I’ve always had a hunch that the root cause of my lesbianism was too great an obsession with He-Man and Thundercats (I had a replica Lion-O sword and everything and ran around shouting, “Ho!” while my mum tried to force Barbies and A La Carte kitchens on me) and I’m thinking, well, if a bit of TV defined my sexual orientation, it must also have helped to encourage a bit of boy-on-boy action somewhere, surely?
So, devoid of any debate whatsoever that has any basis in reality, to feed an appetite whetted by the top 8 lesbilicious characters we wish would come out, here is my run-down of the 8 greatest children’s character ‘bromances’:
Superted and Spotty
Now these two were inseparable. Not even the relative evils of Texas Pete could separate our heroic pair, who always helped each other out in times of need. And we all saw the little glint in Spotty’s eye when Superted ripped his fur off. ‘Nuff said.
Dangermouse and Penfold
In a similar style to our number 1 slot, these two stick together through thick and thin, coming to each other’s aid in a variety of crime-fighting capers. Very macho, you may think. Yes… until you factor in the point that they drive to the scenes of these crimes together in a bright yellow convertible. I can just see them cruising Miami Beach in that bad boy. And don’t even get me started on Colonel K’s moustache; it certainly wouldn’t look out of place in a Village People tribute act. Good grief, Penfold…
Zippy, Bungle and George
Right, I don’t really need to say anything here do I? Perhaps Bungle and Zippy could get away with ‘playing it straight’ but… George? He’s pink, he’s extremely tidy, he’s arguably the most attractive character (and I am including Geoffrey in that) and he’s one of the stars of a programme called Rainbow. If ever there was a gay icon of the children’s character world it is George. Zippy, Bungle and George, I take my feather boa off to you good sirs: the original bromance.
Batman and Robin
“Holy smoke, Batman, I think I love you!” Ok, I may have ‘adapted’ this line a tiny bit, but wouldn’t that be a great episode?? Always together and always clad in buttock-clenchingly tight lycra, these boys are to bromance what Greggs is to sausage rolls. And all those ‘gadgets’ that they both seem to enjoy using…? Well, I’ll let you draw your own conclusions…
Yogi Bear and Boo Boo
The two most famous residents of Jellystone Park have definitely got a bromance going on. It could be argued that this is definitely platonic, due to the existence of Yogi’s girlfriend, Cindy. However, Boo Boo is always around Yogi and we rarely ever see Cindy. “I’m smarter than the average bear!” Yes Yogi, it appears that you are…
Sooty and Sweep
The depth of affection between these two lovable little guys runs so deeply that they almost seem to speak in their own little language; Sooty, in fact, doesn’t even need to say a word… One of the best double acts around, alongside Sue (‘fag-hag’? I wouldn’t dare to even suggest it…) they have entertained generations of children with their friendly, if slightly dubious, banter.
Ralph and Cedric
Ok, so you have to be of a certain age to remember The Raccoons, but if you do, you’ve got to be able to see my point here. Ralph and Cedric’s story is almost Romeo and Juliet-esque in that, despite their warring families, they remain friends against all the odds. It’s beautiful. And it’s got a really cracking theme tune.
Frodo Baggins and Sam Gamgee
So, let’s examine the basic plot: our heroes travel together through Middle-earth, risking life and limb for… a piece of jewellery. Shiny, engraved jewellery at that. Sam clearly loves Frodo and would do anything for him, as he proves countless times throughout the duration of the novel. Bromance at its best.
Any bromances missed off the list? Totally agree / disagree? Please comment and let me know your thoughts…!
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Sarah Schulman at Lesbian Lives 2013
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